发一篇作文,请这里的哥哥姐姐们给仔细改改

本帖于 2011-11-07 01:27:46 时间, 由版主 林贝卡 编辑

 


我也发一个正经学习帖吧。

 


这是弟弟写得比较好的一篇,我未经他的同意发在这里,请大家出手相助一把。里面简单的语法错误我指出来后他已经改过(但恐怕还有错),有些用词我实在也没有高招,因为我自己词汇量也有限。大家闲着也是闲着,帮个忙吧!



 


                                                       Climbing Mountain Hua


 


When I looked down to my feet, a kind of fright struck me. I saw that I was on the half way to a vertical cliff. People on the bottom of the mountain looked like ants. I felt my legs began to shake. I couldn’t help holding on the banister tightly by the side of the way to the top of the mountain. At that time I wanted to give up climbing the mountain, but I couldn’t do it. Because the way to the bottom is even more dangerous, the only thing I can do was to calm myself down and continue to finish the way left. After a deep breath, I didn’t see the steps I had walked any more and only kept on climbing. Then I got to the end of the steep steps a few minutes later. When I stood on the end of the steps and looked back to the way I walked, I felt a great sense of achievement. The dread was replaced by joy of accomplishment quickly.


 


   That was what I experienced on the way to get the top of mountain Hua. Sometimes what we are facing looks like a mountain that is difficult to climb. It will make us feel scared and don’t want to try anything except escaping. The difficulty is just a thing which looks terrible. If we have the courage to face it, it will be nothing hard. So when you feel dread, what you need to do is just close your eyes and keep moving, everything will be OK.


 



所有跟帖: 

Mountain Hua -> Mount Hua -Lucidus- 给 Lucidus 发送悄悄话 Lucidus 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 18:01:36

Thanks, I got it. -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 21:24:29

GOOD! -走马读人- 给 走马读人 发送悄悄话 走马读人 的博客首页 (5385 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 19:05:21

Thanks. -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 21:27:35

回复:发一篇作文,请这里的哥哥姐姐们给仔细改改 -billnet- 给 billnet 发送悄悄话 billnet 的博客首页 (2060 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 19:10:34

Bill, 你真好。谢谢! -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (1764 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 19:40:10

我得找个更好的online字典了,现在用的几个都不提名词是否可数。 -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 19:50:08

A- -路过这儿- 给 路过这儿 发送悄悄话 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 20:02:13

路过的一定是熟人 -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 21:27:57

猜猜是谁? -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 beautifulwind 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:33:58

oh no. i am on the way to a valley -路过这儿- 给 路过这儿 发送悄悄话 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:34:55

silicon valley? -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 beautifulwind 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:43:59

我也改改 -非文学青年- 给 非文学青年 发送悄悄话 非文学青年 的博客首页 (1177 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 21:34:49

正等着你的呢!这样可生动多了,存了。谢谢! -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 21:57:13

哈哈,文青,我找到了你一个错! -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (33 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:03:03

哈哈,难怪在word里是绿的! -非文学青年- 给 非文学青年 发送悄悄话 非文学青年 的博客首页 (17925 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:13:31

怎么是“又”呢?我以前没说过啊。 -肖庄- 给 肖庄 发送悄悄话 肖庄 的博客首页 (93 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:30:38

哈哈,引出玉来了 -billnet- 给 billnet 发送悄悄话 billnet 的博客首页 (155 bytes) () 11/07/2011 postreply 05:25:18

知道有错是第一步,有错就改才是好同学。 -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 beautifulwind 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/07/2011 postreply 05:31:45

haha, im still online -- got you :-) -billnet- 给 billnet 发送悄悄话 billnet 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/07/2011 postreply 05:34:40

A (almost A+) -路过这儿- 给 路过这儿 发送悄悄话 (62 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:32:16

right,right,谢谢师兄! -非文学青年- 给 非文学青年 发送悄悄话 非文学青年 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:34:59

文班好眼力! -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 beautifulwind 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:44:59

journey前的the漏掉的错误比较低级,检讨ing -非文学青年- 给 非文学青年 发送悄悄话 非文学青年 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:40:23

弟弟写的真好。“People on the bottom of the mountain looked like ants.”真 -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 beautifulwind 的博客首页 (83 bytes) () 11/06/2011 postreply 22:30:26

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