回复：这是试着改了第一段，加上了rhyme，其实，不完全是起初想表达的。

i prefer the first one a little more because it flows smoothly. but this one is also very good

love

所有跟帖： 

• 对，韵是这些诗体的一个要求。否则，就不能叫做１４行诗了 -戏雨飞鹰- ♀ (515 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 20:46:02

• oh, this is a misplacement. meant to follow with the one below. -戏雨飞鹰- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 20:52:25

• sweetie you are as fast as light -hahaman- ♀ (269 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:00:11

• 谢谢bear。你真的是博学，一点不错。learned. -戏雨飞鹰- ♀ (107 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:06:49

• sweetie，你的诗写的真是很流畅。 -hahaman- ♀ (395 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:24:02

• 别抒情了；）。 我这周有deadline要meet。晚安。 -戏雨飞鹰- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:33:41

• Ok sweetie. I also have so much to do. Work is too much. -hahaman- ♀ (139 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:47:35

• hmm。 -戏雨飞鹰- ♀ (50 bytes) () 05/05/2010 postreply 20:07:19

• 刚要合上书本,your line make me忽然想起来你那个＂闪电门拴＂了：） -戏雨飞鹰- ♀ (105 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:30:16

• haha sweetie, how do you remember everything? -hahaman- ♀ (41 bytes) () 05/04/2010 postreply 21:41:39