三人行， 必有我师。。。帮咱改英文吧

咱老爹，私塾四年级，生前总唠叨这句老夫子的话。看了别人的回馈，觉得肯定有很多不足的地方，俺想在这里请教。另外，俺一直认为语法是咱强项。。。当年考两次托福： 一次出国前，在加拿大博士拿完了，要去滑铁卢念计算机，人家非得让咱考托福，就没复习又考了一次，语法都是满分啊。。。。不过，真羡慕现在的年轻人，英文说的真好啊。

帮咱改改吧，提前致谢（发在这里是因为原帖在这里。并且，这里的流量真大）

 

 

Bruce is my former colleague. He holds clambake party every year at his private beach. The location is about 60 miles driving from Seattle.

 
His father started this tradition dozens of years ago. He keeps it alive up to this year.

 
I have attended the party several times. Occasionally I brought my friends with me. There are many people at the party.
 

 
Many tasty foods by the attendees!
 

 
Various drinkings including many spirited ones.
 

 
People brought kayaks. Kids love playing it on the water!
 

 
Some love singing. Particularly, they would sing until very late at night. This year the California Hotel was my favorite...some others were not familiar to me.
 

 
Preparing the clams.
 

 
There are five big buckets of clams for the party each time. Every one can get as much as he/she wants.
 

 
I was enjoying the clams.

 
Drinking Beer with the clams is the best.

 
Ladies were all smiling with the delicious foods.

 
Sunset on the cove.

 
Another picture of sunset.

 
Marshmallow on the bonfire.

 
Camping overnight.

 
Breakfast was also very enjoyable.

 
One can dig the clams on the beach for taking home.

 
These were by my family.

You might wonder that Bruce must be rich...here is Seattle, home to the richest people like Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos. In fact, he is just a software engineer like me. I ever said to him that if he developed the place, he might get quite bit of earning. However, he said he just wanted to keep the beach as it is. This is good to the environment and he can have the clambake party ever year for many years to come.

 
Unforgettable beach like Eden. Look forward to the next year's party.
 

 

所有跟帖： 

• 沙发。同等高人，一会儿也先抛砖引玉一下子 -红色娘子军志愿参谋- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:06:34

• 从前学英文浪费了青春，现在没人还想学英文浪费中春。 -Baritoner- ♂ (35 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:12:38

• 粗看了一下，觉得像是小学生写的断句的组合。比如说第一段： -红色娘子军志愿参谋- ♀ (359 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:14:55

• 谢谢回复。。。但我专门看过美版的写作书，建议用短句。里边还举了克林顿怎么改人家给他写的稿子。 -el98012- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:26:44

• 说得没错。但是上下文语感还是需要的。短句的说法是特指有人爱写长句子用太多修饰词那种。你这有点太生硬 -greenoasis- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:31:08

• 那你肯定是正确的。我从来没看过专门的写作书。 -红色娘子军志愿参谋- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:37:57

• 写作不像算术（所以，咱学了大半辈子数学）。 俺中学最好的中文老师，也最不喜欢长句子。俺可能太机械地理解他们的见解 -el98012- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:52:52

• 这个显然比楼主的好多了，楼主的原文像中国小学生的作文翻译成英文的。 -爱煮酸梅汤- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:37:48

• 顺多了。接着改，也别which了 -greenoasis- ♀ (1016 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:47:14

• 这个表达有点不准确, 大约应是 60 miles of driving （直达要近得多）。 -el98012- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:58:21

• 那就说about an hour's drive from Seattle. 这些就是语感和习惯说法的问题了。不是说有对错 -greenoasis- ♀ (98 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 11:02:40

• 还不对：-） 不都是高速啊-- 所以，有时表达不是那么直接了当地的。 -el98012- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 11:15:26

• 他那地方GPS上只能用坐标，没有地址。 -el98012- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 11:27:25

• 很多单句有数种不同的说法. 只有把它们放到文章中才好改. -花椒- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:16:17

• 你没看过原帖吧？ http://bbs.wenxuecity.com/myhouse/6379857.html -el98012- ♂ (57 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:28:47

• Bruce太太是外嫁？好多亚裔朋友啊 -greenoasis- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:55:13

• 他没有结婚，也没有孩子。他弟弟和他年龄差不多，去年才结婚。 他家这一代都没孩子。 -el98012- ♂ (89 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 11:02:03

• 写着玩还是有什么用？好多半句话？没什么不好。但是好像可以用些连词适当连一下。还有些语法错 -greenoasis- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:24:51

• 看上面的帖子。。。。写着玩的。。。 -el98012- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:32:50

• 大体来说没啥大问题，文采谈不上，平铺直叙得也清楚，偶尔有些地方确实用法比较Chiglish -臭臭妈妈- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/10/2017 postreply 10:34:51