How should I respond next time?
My parents always felt that spending money on me and my sister when we were growing up was a waste of money. They are selfish parents. Long story short, they think my daughter’s piano lessons is a waste of money. My daughter is the only grandchild they have. But my parents would rather that my sister and I save every penny and then give to our parents’ relatives (they are not poor people. They probably have more net worth and their money was made more easily in China). My mother kept on saying that my daughter is not going to become a pianist. Well, our goal is not for my daughter to become a pianist. Her father and I just want her to have a hobby. I think I brought a child to this world so I can love her and protect her. If she comes to visit me when I get old, great. But I don’t have a child in order to use her.
My mother told me that I should train my daughter like Lang Lang’s father had trained him. I told her that I don’t want my kid to have Lang Lang’s childhood. I Just want her to be happy.
I am actually very upset when my parents say things like that. Does any of you have a better response?
Those of you who don’t have such parents may not understand. People who have such parents probably have similiar experiences in different ways. For example, it was not easy for me and my sister to get our green cards. My parents like to say : “Eveyone we know got their green card really easily. Don’t know why you two had problems”. They have been in the U.S. for some years now, so it is not that they really don’t know things can be hard here. They just like to hurt us in every way possible. If we lost our jobs, they would say “You are the only one in the whole world without a job. So useless…”.
I am writing this so it is a good healing process for me. But also more importantly, I used to think that my sister and I must have problems to cause our parents to act that way. After having read the stories of so many Chinese people of similar age of how their parents had treated them, I had stopped torturing myself. So I think it is only fair that I share my experience with people who have helped me heal.