一位英国人对逸士，verdeboy 和selfselfself贴子的feedbacks

来源: 灰衣人于 2011-03-27 16:30:10 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：次 (3000 bytes)

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今天下午，我的同事和好朋友，一位英国人，来我的住处打乒乓球和喝酒。他是我们公司一位非常senior的finance manager，但不是学英国文学的。

因为和他很close，我就请他对下面的写作作一个critical的review，特别请他注意两点：

1）他是否能感觉出来这些writings 可能出自一个native english speaker

2）这里面用词有没有不当的。

他作了如下comments说：

1）这些是外国人写的，

2）有如下的用词不当

A) 最好用 submerged clothes，而不是用dipped，因为dip 表示的是一个快速浸立即捞起的动作，

洗衣的过程是：submerge and shake。

B) laundries 应该是laundry

C) till 应该是until，他没解释

D) took them up 应该是took them out

E)用beat 是对的，pound是不对的，这个是我的错误。

F)还有别的，我记不得了。

我的信念是：critical review 能帮人进步。对此，我只有感激！真诚希望大家进步。

最后，跟人分享一个quotation：

Talent is God given. Be humble.
Fame is man-given. Be grateful.
Conceit is self-given. Be careful.

by John Wooden

下面是逸士，verdeboy 和selfselfself的writings：

逸士的原文：

She carried the dirty clothes in a basket and went to the nearest stream. She watched other women how to wash clothes. They soaked the clothes in water and took them up and put on a smooth stone above the water. Then they beat the wet clothes with a wooden stick till the dirt on the clothes was squeezed out with water. Then they dipped the clothes in water again and shook them in water to let the dirt go with the current. After a while they took them up and wrung water out of the clothes.

Verdeboy Version 1：

She went down to the nearest stream, carrying dirty clothes in a basket, to learn how other women would do their laundry. They would first soak up their washings in the stream, put them up on a smooth stone and beat away at them with a wooden stick to squeeze out the dirt. Then they would pick one piece and shake and turn it in the current to rinse before taking it up and wringing it dry.

Selfselfself Version

She went down to the nearest stream, carrying dirty laundries in a basket, to learn how other women would do theirs. They would first soak up their washings in the stream , put them up on a smooth stone and beat them with a wooden stick to squeeze out the dirt. Then they would pick up a beaten piece and shake and turn it in the current to rinse before wringing it dry.

Verdeboy Version 2：

She went down to the nearest stream, carrying dirty clothes in a basket, to learn how other women would do their laundry. They would first soak up their washings in the stream 【灰：前面已有个stream了，是否用water 更好啊？】, put 【灰：可否用lay？】them up on a smooth stone and beat 【灰：可否用pound？】 away with a wooden stick to squeeze out the dirt. Then they would pick one piece and shake and turn it in the current to rinse before wringing it dry.