这个算不算有效绑架要看裁判，算绑了几个也听裁判，咱都没意见，反正我想看最后蓝绿皆大欢喜。文中的一切，包括人物，立场，态度，风格，都纯属虚构。：）
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《Trial of the Century, The United States vs. Meiyutan》
“Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! Silence please,” the burly sheriff shouts,
A skinny, black robed, judge enters the courtroom hosting a big crowd.
The trial of the case of the United States vs. Meiyutan begins today,
With all the seats taken great public interest is on full display.
The US attorney calls his first witness to the stand,
He is none other than the sitting president, yes, DC is on hand.
DC in his dark suit and overly long tie walks up to the witness's seat,
Eyes glinting, mouth pursed, he hardly hides his conceit.
“Let me save you all some time”, he says as he is sitting down,
“My name is DC, I live in the White House, and I appointed this clown.”
DC's chubby finger is now pointed right at the presiding judge,
A wicked smile he is now cracking. The judge's icy stare says much.
I'm running for reelection as all of you must already know, DC rasps,
And I know Meiyutan is trying to sabotage the election with witchcraft.
Asked if he has any personal knowledge about the alleged crime,
DC testifies gleefully in Meiyutan he has spent a ton of time.
He claims that many postings in Meiyutan witchcraft contain,
These postings are all against him he solemnly complains.
How he knows these are against him, he is asked to answer please.
He snorts with laughter, “Because their authors are all Chinese.”
Then it is Meiyutan's turn to cross-examine the president,
The attorney for Meiyutan is MF, who flashes a smile most pleasant.
“Did you say Covid-19 will blow over, Sir”, MF asks, her face now stern.
To the objection based on relevance she says she's establishing a pattern.
“Did you claim a certain house representative al Qaeda supports?”
“Did you claim Mexico will pay for your border walls?”
“Did you claim pre-existing conditions will be equally protected without Obamacare?”
“Did you claim you were once named Michigan's Man of the Year?”
The president cannot deny he made those claims,
“But these claims are all true”, he proclaims.
After asking DC many a hard question for fact checking,
Attorney MF, much to DC's relief, ends her bloodletting.
Now comes the turn for the other witnesses called to testify,
Who are all contributors to Meiyutan and who wrongdoings deny.
The US attorney puts them on the stand one by one,
And asks them questions about the postings they have done.
The first to come to the stand is Xian-gu He,
She walks so gracefully her feet never seem to touch earth.
Please state your full name, the US attorney demands,
“Xian-gu He, which means in Chinese a fairy the age of your aunt.”
The stern looking young US attorney now crimson blushes,
The whole audience in court marvels at Xiao-gu He in utter hush.
Question, “Does your name amount to a confession you are a witch?”
Answer, “No more than any “Elizabeth” with the Queen's position wants to switch.”
Question, “Do you confess you are a rock, you are not round?”【1】
Answer, “If I were round, I'd be appointed a judge by DC on that ground.”
Cough, cough, cough, nonstop goes the judge in black robe,
Xian-gu He looks at him with fake concern as if not knowing she got his goat.
Question, “Do you confess it was your fault that others, including DC, got hurt?”【2】
Answer, “Only in the sense that an honest, straight shooting, person gets vilified as a jerk.”
The US attorney and the Fairy trade barbs while the audience looks on,
With the attorney throwing in the towel before long.
Next up to the witness's stand goes TYZ in her calmest ever smile,
The attorney recognizes instantly this is another tough customer in style.
Question: “In the middle of the lake, a bald eagle flied over", did you once say? 【3】
Answer: “But the president is not bald, not totally yet”, TYZ immediately starts a debate.
The US attorney asks the judge to direct TYZ to answer “yes” or “no”.
The poor judge does not hear him; he is trying too hard his laughter to hold.
Getting nowhere with TYZ on the stand,
The US Attorney calls LL25 according to his original plan.
Question:”Did you claim men, including DC, should wear skirts in the very cold winter?”【4】
Answer: “Only if they have pretty legs and DC’s look like they are made of timber.”
Question:”Are you of the position men like DC should be required to break their ribs to make their waists smaller?”
Answer: “With his potbelly, DC’s waist is not getting smaller, I bet my bottom dollar.”
Next comes YTMJ, who is questioned about her “Leaving in a Jet Plane”, 【5】
She says she just loves to travel and denies she is deserting the US of A for Spain.
She says, but for the pandemic, she would have already paid that country a visit,
When saying this, her anger at DC’s pandemic response is very explicit.
Next up is YY, whose desire to visit China is the prosecution's focus. 【6】
The prosecutor is excited, thinking he may make a breakthrough to deserve a bonus.
Question,”Why to ‘communist China’ you so urgently want to return?”
Anwer,”No, not your so-called ‘communist China’, my parents who reside there are my only concern.”
Next up is TCC, who is asked about raising snakes and playing music to them to perform witch tricks.
“But that's only done in India, and I am from China, as even DC admits.”
“But then why do you raise snakes? Don’t you intend them to harm people?”
“No, I don’t raise snakes. These are either pond loaches or swamp eels.”【7】
Next up is SYXH about her experiment of using water to bend a spoon. 【8】
Next up is SDHHSJ about her ambition to claim a whole city her own. 【9】
Next up is YH about her call to her friends:”Let's Sway Twin Oars.”【10】
On the third day, the judge, patience exhausted, declares lunch adjournment and slams shut the doors.
While the unsuccessful prosecutor is worrying DC may have him canned,
MF has simply been standing by, watching him butchering the case by his own hand.
Her heart's centroid in the right position, she is so confident she never bothers with any cross-examination, 【11】
Seeing none of the questions from the prosecutor is about the election.
Maybe two hours later, maybe three,
The judge finally returns from his noon feast.
He promptly orders the attorneys into his chamber,
Where he can more or less act as a dictator.
“Do you still think you have any chance at winning”, the prosecutor hears the judge intone,
He has no answer to this question, but he starts thinking which island DC may have him marooned.
“Since I hear no reason to continue this farce, I cannot but grant the defense motion, with prejudice, to dismiss.”
Upon the judge's announcement, MF rushes out of the judge's chamber and joins her fellow Meiyutan denizens in bliss.
【1】美语世界： 【绿队】【美坛蓝绿绑架争霸】 再绑 陶陶三 的pebble 【I was young I was not round】 - 由何仙姑发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【2】美语世界： 【绿队】【美坛蓝绿绑架争霸】 Rock vs pebble - 由何仙姑发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【3】美语世界： 【绿队】 【美坛蓝绿绑架争霸】 几首描写痛苦情感的诗歌 - 由天玉之发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【4】美语世界： Why don't men wear lipstick? - 由Lily2005发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【5】美语世界： 爵士版 Leaving on a Jet Plane 问好藏龙卧虎 - by 美景 - 由沿途美景发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【6】美语世界： 【ChildhoodFantasy】七律 佳节思亲 (平水韵八庚）双语 - 由盈盈一笑间发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【7】美语世界： 【ChildhoodFantasy】Catching Pond Loaches - 由甜虫虫发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【8】美语世界： My fantasy childhood - 由疏影笑寒发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【9】美语世界： my embarrassing childhood fantasy - 由树的花花世界发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
【10】美语世界： 【Childhood Fantasy】让我们荡起双桨-荷/才/柳/昏/丽/戎/轻/佩 小合唱 - 由一荷发表 - 文学城 (wenxuecity.com)
