The other day, my friend Sarah and I got together for lunch and
a catch-up session. She recently started dating a new guy, so I
haven't seen much of her lately. I couldn't wait to get the scoop.
As we sat and talked, I could see the how excited she was.
She must have mentioned his name a thousand times in the first 20
minutes ("You drink Chai lattes? So does Mike!" "Have you seen
that George Clooney movie that just came out? Mike and I loved it!"
"Mike lives just around the corner, you know.")
Of course I felt happy for Sarah. At the same time, though,
I could tell there was something not quite right. By the way she
talked, I sensed that Sarah is putting A LOT of effort and energy into
this new not-quite-a-relationship (he hasn't asked her to be exclusive),
but it didn't sound like Mike is necessarily reciprocating.
In fact, some of the things she casually mentioned about Mike
(he won't call for days at a time, she hasn't met his friends,
he doesn't take her on proper dates - they mostly hang out at her
place, if you know what I mean...) didn't exactly make him sound like
a catch.
And then there was her anxious behavior.
She was distracted, to say the least. She checked her phone
every few minutes, excused herself to make a phone call
twice and asked the waitress to get our check before we'd
even made a dent in our salads.
"Am I boring you?" I joked.
She looked up from her phone, surprised. "Why?"
"I'm getting the feeling you can't wait to get out of here."
That's when I discovered that Sarah was trying to rush through our
lunch so she could still catch her man at his apartment before
he left for the gym.
No, he wasn't leaving for a six-month tour of duty. He was
just going to be at the gym for a couple hours. Yet Sarah
couldn't stand the thought of having no contact with him
for even THAT long!
Now I don't mean to judge. In fact, many years ago - before
I made a commitment to drama-free dating - I was guilty of
the same kind of clingy, needy behavior.
The intensity may SEEM thrilling at first, but it's not the
kind of situation that can blossom into a healthy, fulfilling
relationship.
And a healthy, fulfilling relationship is what we all want
and deserve. Am I right?
It's for amazing women like Sarah - and you, if you can
relate to the scenario I just described (um, who can't?)
"How to Love a Man Without Losing Yourself."
We all need to learn learn:
* The secret to enjoying a loving relationship
without becoming emotionally dependent on your man
* How to find the right balance of "you time" and
"couple time"
* The crucial distinction between healthy compromise
for the good of the relationship and the unhealthy
act of compromising your goals and dreams to keep a man
in your life
* The surprising strategy to get a man to step up and put
more effort into your relationship
* How to overcome issues of mistrust, suspicion and jealousy
in a way that allows you to take the high road AND ease
your fears
* How to identify red flags in a relationship and create
healthy boundaries for yourself
* The difference between being a "giving" partner and being
a doormat - and how to be kind without getting used
* How to love again without losing yourself after a
breakup/divorce
* What to do if you feel you have already lost yourself in
your relationship and how to reclaim your self-esteem
