是分手,还是等待?

I am writing this letter to you in a tone of care and warmth and I am simply just jotting down what I feel inside. I feel emptiness when I do not talk with you – this weekend was very stressful for me because I felt empty inside and troubled because you are upset. There has been so many times that I just wanted to pick up the phone, dial your number, and talk with you. But then I get very nervous and intimidated because I anticipate that you will have a negative reaction to my call, perhaps be snappy at me, and I will become defensive which will further exacerbate our problem. I do not understand why we both cannot just speak to each other in a nice way – even if there is something bothering us.

To respond to your underlying issue about the status of our relationship I can only say the following. I do not quite understand why you would question my seriousness because I have shown actions that, in my opinion, demonstrate my level of commitment to you. I always invite you out for important family celebrations, I introduce you to my extended family, I bring you to my company xmas party, I invite you to travel to XX and stay with my parents, my father has an open relationship with you where he is happy to e-mail you, drive you home, etc. I speak about buying a house in the new year and having you move in with me. I also speak about my interest in meeting your parents in China. You know, every relationship is unique and takes its own time to flourish. There has been a lot that has happened in our relationship (both good and bad) that have resulted in where we are at now. That being said, if you still felt troubled by this, all you had to do was bring it to my attention in a nice and caring way – this way we can openly talk about it and not have it get to a point where both of us feels like we are being under attack.

Also, what is very important to me is that you acknowledge my feelings and try to console me when I get hurt. All I wanted to hear from you was that you understand and recognize my feelings and how your behaviour on Tuesday night bothered me. I really do not understand why it is very hard for you to say those words. They would have made me feel so good inside and then I could turn the attention to making you feel better also. I just feel as if my emotions, needs, and feelings come in second place to yours. Whether this is a reality or not – whether it is how you view it - it is how I feel. I just needed you to recognize that I too have feelings and that I too was hurt. But it seems hard for you to console me.

On Friday night when I asked you to call me when you wake up on Saturday – all you needed to say was o.k. Why did you have to argue over this? I told you that I would make the time to speak with you when you call me – it was that simple. There really was no need to argue over how busy I would be. Simply speaking, I wanted you to call me therefore I wanted to make the time for you. But when you kept on pushing the point that I would be too busy and you didn’t want to call - it got me frustrated that we are arguing over something so ridiculous. I think we are both strong headed and strong personality people but we need to learn to communicate without making the other feel under attack. Can we really do this?

After all is said and done I think very highly of you. I care a great deal about you and respect you immensely as a person. You are a young, smart, and beautiful woman. I honestly do try to make you happy. It is not my intention to fail – but I get frustrated that after all my you still feel the way you do. Maybe I am doing all the wrong things. Whatever it is I feel very frustrated that I cannot get this right, which further compounds my stress.

This week I need to concentrate on studying for exams. Although it will be very hard for me to do so because I miss you and I feel pain inside, I still have to try my best. But it may be a blessing in disguise because it will give you time to reflect and see where you want to go from here. To be honest, I feel no anger towards you – only care. I think we both need to reflect, calm down, and then we can talk in a nice and warm way when our emotions are not so high and volatile.

Nonetheless, I still feel that I come in second place and this too needs to be rectified.

Those are my thoughts, feelings, and views. I always welcome your thoughts as well. But please let us just wait until after my exams so that I can concentrate. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and for trying to understand my view. As you know, I acknowledge and respect your emotions and needs too.

I hope this week goes by fast.

All my best,

所有跟帖： 

• Sounds like he is a pretty good guy. -maggiemay_pei- ♀ (31 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 19:48:57

• Honestly, how could you expect people on internet to help -sfla- ♀ (592 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 19:52:26

• I don't think she's trying to show off. She's just -maggiemay_pei- ♀ (315 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:15:09

• She does know, too obvious. -sfla- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:41:53

• From the mail, seems like he is very serious about -gzlady- ♀ (243 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:03:31

• Leave him when you are still young -BCBG&Max- ♀ (189 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 03:23:42

• Love is blue,为这年轻的岁月和诗一样的情怀好好恋爱吧。 -chinesebuns- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:40:28

• 回复：是分手,还是等待? -雨阳光- ♀ (830 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:46:33

• 回复：回复：是分手,还是等待? -lilypark- ♀ (347 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:54:47

• Did you guys have an open talk for those you mentioned above? -sfla- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 20:55:09

• listen to me -Eveline- ♀ (570 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:01:59

• wow, you are pretty determined. I guess the ball is in her court -sfla- ♀ (272 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:07:47

• 回复：wow, you are pretty determined. I guess the ball is in her -Eveline- ♀ (453 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:12:49

• my husband's has a friend, he loves his girlfriend very much -sfla- ♀ (287 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:18:15

• Some guys are just simply not ready for marriage. -questiongirl123- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:20:49

• 回复：my husband's has a friend, he loves his girlfriend very mu -Eveline- ♀ (378 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:32:14

• I've seen guys like that: a guy I know dated a -maggiemay_pei- ♀ (478 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 22:25:10

• typo...she is still waiting for him -MaggieMay_Pei- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 22:26:31

• Totally agree with you, Eveline -lucky_wife- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 09:00:30

• we talked about some of the issues before -雨阳光- ♀ (393 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:18:19

• Two years aren't necessarily a benchmark. -maggiemay_pei- ♀ (609 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:26:05

• Each man is different when it comes to knowing if they -questiongirl123- ♀ (772 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:26:57

• 回复：we talked about some of the issues before -Eveline- ♀ (727 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:27:08

• 回复：we talked about some of the issues before -VeAmor- ♀ (393 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:29:29

• well, if that is the case -chinesebuns- ♀ (621 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:32:44

• His short temper won't change -lucky_wife- ♀ (151 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 09:03:00

• i think that you need to let him know about your concern -gzlady- ♀ (788 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:41:18

• Lots of mama's boys out there. No big deal -maggiemay_pei- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 21:54:27

• 也许你两都是好人，只是不是适合彼此 的人！ -麻辣豆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/11/2006 postreply 23:13:39

• If you can see the problems right now, it will be doubled -redflag- ♀ (409 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 06:14:35

• Well said, redflag -lucky_wife- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 09:08:56

• thanks, Luck_wife. -redflag- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 09:43:57

• you cannot change him. -赵飞燕- ♀ (98 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 06:24:56

• 现在都觉得这么累那今后呢~人也只有在学习中成长~ -甜酒甜- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/12/2006 postreply 05:47:06