亚瑟·阿伦36问（Arthur Arons 36 Questions）出自社会心理学家 Arthur Aron 于1997年发表的一项著名实验《The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness》，目的是通过有意设计的问题，让陌生人之间在短时间内建立情感连接。
阿伦团队发现，相互脆弱性（mutual vulnerability）能迅速拉近关系。当两个人轮流回答36个逐渐深入的问题时，大脑会释放催产素和多巴胺，从而产生“亲密感”与信任感。
问题分为三组，每组逐渐加深情感交流。
第一组：轻松、自我揭露
-
如果可以和任何人共进晚餐，你会选择谁？
If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be? -
你想出名吗？为什么？
Would you like to be famous? In what way? -
在打电话前，你会先排练要说的话吗？为什么？
Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? -
对你而言，“完美的一天”是什么样的？
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? -
上次唱歌给别人听是什么时候？给自己唱呢？
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? -
如果你能活到90岁，并在生命的最后25年保持30岁的心智或身体，你选哪个？
If you could live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years, which would you choose? -
你是否暗自预感自己会怎样死去？
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? -
说出三件你和对方可能共有的事。
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. -
人生中最感激的是什么？
For what in your life do you feel most grateful? -
如果可以重来，你想改变成长经历的哪一部分？
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? -
用四分钟尽可能详细地讲述你的人生故事。
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. -
如果明天醒来能获得任何一种品质或能力，你希望是什么？
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
第二组：信任与脆弱
-
如果有一颗水晶球能告诉你未来的真相，你想知道什么？
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, or the future, what would you want to know? -
有什么事情是你一直梦想去做却没做的？为什么？
Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? -
你人生中最大的成就是什么？
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? -
友谊中你最珍视的是什么？
What do you value most in a friendship? -
你最珍贵的记忆是什么？
What is your most treasured memory? -
你最痛苦的记忆是什么？
What is your most terrible memory? -
如果知道一年后会突然死去，你会改变现在的生活方式吗？为什么？
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? -
友谊对你意味着什么？
What does friendship mean to you? -
爱与感情在你生活中扮演什么角色？
What roles do love and affection play in your life? -
轮流说出对方的一个积极特质，共说五项。
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. -
你的家庭关系亲密吗？你觉得你的童年比大多数人快乐吗？
How close and warm is your family? Did you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? -
你如何看待母亲？
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
第三组：深层联结与共鸣
-
各自说出一句以“我们”为主语的真相，例如：“我们都在这个房间里感到……”
Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…” -
完成这个句子：“我希望有一个人，我可以与他分享……”
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” -
如果你将与对方成为亲密朋友，请分享让对方更了解你的重要内容。
If you were going to become close friends with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. -
告诉对方你喜欢他们什么——此时要非常诚实，说出你通常不会对刚认识的人说的话。
Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest. -
分享你人生中一次令人尴尬的时刻。
Share an embarrassing moment in your life. -
上次在别人面前哭是什么时候？独自哭呢？
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? -
告诉对方你现在已经喜欢他们的哪一点。
Tell your partner something you already like about them. -
有什么（如果有的话）太严肃而不能开玩笑？
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? -
如果今晚就要死去而没有机会与任何人沟通，你最遗憾没告诉谁什么？为什么还没说？
If you were to die this evening with no chance to communicate, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? -
你的房子起火了，救出家人和宠物后，你还能救一件东西，那会是什么？
Your house catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to make one last dash to save any one item. What would it be? -
你家人中谁的死亡会让你最痛苦？为什么？
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? -
分享一个个人问题，请对方提出看法，然后请他们告诉你，在他们看来你对这个问题的感受是什么。
Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it; also, ask them to reflect back how you seem to be feeling about it.
更多我的博客文章>>>
