from the massive responses and replies, we could tell this is a "touchy" topic.. readers split for different positions.
indeed it is a very delicate and complicated situation, when it involves second marriage and step families.(in laws, step children etc).. it can be like Dormino effect, one could affect another.. causing chain reaction.
As a wife in a second marriage, as a Mom and as a Stepmom, fairly speasking, this lady has done pretty good and we can't expect her to be "perfect", to make 100 scores, even biological Mom can not do it perfectly, she is only a human being,not a Saint, she has her concerns, and anxiety over certain things... and that is understandable.
Financially: the son's moving in probably won't cause too much extra cost.. a little more food, that is it. if their finance is in sound check..then i won't probably push the son to pay $200.00 a month. $200 a month for an unemployed is a lot of money, but for people with good income is minimal.. i would keep silent on that part.. if he pays to his father, fine, if he doesn't.. i won't say anything.
Peace and house order: i think that is probably the center of this lady's concern and anxiety, more than anything else...well, fairly speaking, this is her house, she has the rights to be concerned. So maybe setting ground rules/house rules in the beginning for the son to be adhensive to, is crucial. Hopefully this is a temporary arrangement and the son will soon find a job and move out.
son's wellfare: as what job he needs to accept, and when he needs to accept it, i would just leave it to him and his father.. getting involved would make it too complicated. He has his own mother and his father behind him. i would just wish him well, and say no more and no less.
i bet the son won't like to be there forever either.. who wants to, as a grown up? he has no choice right now.. so i would look at the big picture-the relationship between the hu*****and and the wife, and the marraige.. ask yourself, will this matter five years from now?(or two years from now?) if the answer is no... then don't sweat on it too much..
do your best to help him out by providing a shelter to this young man in need,(his difficulty may be of combined reasons of poor economy and some of his own attributes, whatever it is, he is in need now) and meanwhile, do not let your life be disturbed.. (that is why the house rules are important).. such as noise,cleaness, house guests.. etc..)
let's hope for happy ending: the young man gets a good job soon and move out. he appreciates the Stepmom. andthe marriage becomes stronger, because the hu*****and appreciates the lady's acceptance of his son.. and the lady's life was enhanced rather than disturbed.. that would be the best. wish you luck.
