这是我从朋友那得到的链接，三个被同类男人伤害的女人。
http://forums.relationshipweb.com/index.php?topic=12318.0
I was heavily pursued by man who told me when we met that he had a pornography problem in the past that ruined his marriage but that he had it under control. He told me he was madly in love with me, eventually proposed, and while we were engaged, started acting periodically what he calls "ambivalent". Finally, after I had suspicions I caught him (while we were engaged) writing emails to women on the internet and then after he said he would stop, I caught him lying about being on internet dating sites, and about contacting other women. When I confronted him, at first he got angry, then, in a total change of the way he treated me before (always saying that he loved me, was crazy about me, that he was madly in love with me), he told me that "I am not in love with you anymore" and "I am confused", "I want to see what is out there" and "I dont want to marry you anymore" along with "I need some time." He also said that he was a sex addict and that "it is worse than what you think." Then he said that "I do not have to tell you what I did. I am not going to." I was crushed. The next day, while I was still devastated, he put up his profile on the internet! We were with each other almost every day, were closely involved with each other, and after this happened, he has completely dropped out of existence! He doesnt call me, email me or anything! I gave two years of my life to this man, and although I know its ridicuous and stupid, I still love him. I am in such emotional pain, because I dont want to love him anymore!
Will he ever come back and realize how much we were in love? If he is a sex addict, has he moved on to his next woman or target? Did he ever really love me? Why was I so darn stupid?
Has this ever happened to anyone else out there that they confront their man about unfaithful behavior and then he walks?
socalsuzie
Will he ever come back and realize how much we were in love? If he is a sex addict, has he moved on to his next woman or target? Did he ever really love me? Why was I so darn stupid?
Has this ever happened to anyone else out there that they confront their man about unfaithful behavior and then he walks?
socalsuzie
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I'm sorry to hear about what has happened to you. A month ago I went through something similar. My (now ex) boyfriend of four years invited another woman to a concert while I was out of town. I probably never would have known, but I came back into town after a dozen of my calls went unanswered and my suspicion began to grow. He was gone, but had left his cell phone behind with the late night calls and text messages to her on his blackberry. The day prior we had just got back from Cancun with his four daughters under 10! Yes, he has 4 daughters which he has 50% custody, and they were very close to me as well. He is 38-years-old and divorced. I am 34 and never married with no children. When I confronted him about the situation he cried and apologized profusely, but you know what? He didn't want a reconciliation. He cried because he got caught and he was embarrassed because I texted the other women to find out what was going on behind my back. He avoided coming home to confront the situation and stayed away all day and night. I packed my things and left. Four years, four children, and every day I supported him in every way possible...The next day his profile was on American Singles with a greeting that began with "Hello Ladies!" He never called or emailed me again. Needless to say, I was crushed. Totally crushed. It is so difficult, but as I began to read about individuals like him, I am beginning to understand more about myself and why I CHOSE to get involved with him. Please read the books, "Men Can't Love" and "He's Scared, She's Scared." You will be surprised that the behavior patterns of these people are totally textbook. He's not right for you. Get through this period no matter how difficult it is. TRUST ME! I have been on-off with my ex for four years, and if you think those patterns disappear without extensive (years of!) therapy, they simply won't. Don't waste your youth/time on this guy. I regret the heartache I set-up for myself the last four years by being with him. I wish I could take back those years, but I can't. If I could save anyone that pain, I will. Good luck.
wow. That does sound like a very similar pattern. It is amazing that they involve children, and break off a bunch of relationships, all in the name of their own self interest. A pattern type of behavior? That is really interesting. Thank you so much for writing me about this. It is totally heartbreaking. I never even got to say goodbye to his children, and we really loved one another. Our two families got quite close, but there was no time to explain, explore or anything.
I am sorry that this scenario happened to you also. And four years....that is a lot longer than my two. How many times were you on again off again? Did he leave and then try and come back? How did that all occur? Do these types of men go off and then try to woo the women back into their graces or do they tend to skip from one relationship into a new one, and then another new one? I think it is most abhorrent that the very next DAY, both your guy and my guy were out trolling for women. How gross! While we were still trying to pick up the pieces from our lives!! Why didnt I see it coming? He acted so crazy about me! He kept telling me how much he adored me. I thought it was worth the risk because he was so into me, and well, the engagement ring seemed to give me a feeling of security! Well, write back if you can, And thanks for writing me.....it feels good not to be so alone in this heartbreaking story... Both of your stories are really tragic and it makes me wonder sometimes how we can really ever trust men. I have heard of so many people breaking up over internet dating sites. I have to say that i had a similiar problem myself with a number of men. One was a guy from quite a few years ago. I got suspicious one time because he was often hiding away on his computer and myself, being a network person, managed to find the sites that he was going to. I could not get his password, but i did get the site, so i created a profile, found his profile and then emailed him. Voila, he responded and our trust broke down and to say that was the beginning of the end.
Now years later, i did an online profile and met another man. And yes, caught him responding to ads again after we were dating exclusively for many months. This man told me that he loved me, did not want to be with anyone else, was happy with me, and then i found out different. My choice with him, though was different. I asked him what was wrong between us and what did i not do for him. (I was very curious as to what he would say). He said that he just was curious who was interested and he had no interest in meeting anyone else. We broke up soon afterwards again because i could not deal with it. I think that the internet always gives men the availability of meeting someone new and the constant selection of available women does not help either. I think that it is extra sad that you both were in relationships with these men for quite a few years. My heart goes out to you both. |
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