Stop “shoulding” on yourself

I used to “should” on myself quite a bit.

I converted all my energy into doing what I thought I should do. My theory about “right” was established on the “should” foundation.

When I was a child, “What I SHOULD do” to please my parents, be a top student, get into the right college, get the job that provided the most security.

When I grow up, “What I SHOULD do” to win acceptance from my peers, make my relationship work and offer my child whatever leads him a prospective future.

My heart was never in my choices.  And I thought it should not.

I did whatever I thought I should. Life showed me few worked out as well as rewarded me with exhaustion, depression and chronic fatigue syndrome.

Till some of these days,

I was asking one of my best friends:” Steven, should I accept the new offer? Should I take one step back to reconsider? Should I …..”

“Helen, what do YOU want to do?”

??!!!

“Helen, you don’t LOVE yourself” Susan, my psychologist, said many times in our sections. “Love and accept yourself”.

“Honey, I don’t know if I should. Should I……”

“Sweetie, do whatever YOU want to do.” Hubby’s arms were always around me.

…….

One day, I suddenly saw the light.

Happiness is a choice, and I am the ONLY one who’s responsible for it. I will succeed because of the value of me, the spirit of me, the way of me and the vision of me.

所有跟帖： 

• feel the same way with you, except, -wonderbear- ♀ (271 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 09:43:40

• China taught me -blhw72- ♀ (122 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 09:56:48

• You're welcome, China taught me the same too, :) -wonderbear- ♀ (55 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:03:05

• My pleasure. I'm teaching my boy Chinese while writing. :-) -blhw72- ♀ (50 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:10:55

• you too, thanks, Helen. -wonderbear- ♀ (89 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:15:10

• We stop shoulding on ourselves as well as others. It -sfla- ♀ (18 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 09:51:46

• Outstanding! -blhw72- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 09:57:32

• Great. -wonderbear- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:17:03

• Do you speak manderin? -Chinamm- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 09:59:36

• Yes, I do. -blhw72- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:11:19

• well said -VeAmor- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:14:34

• Thank you. -blhw72- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 10:34:35

• Well said. I always tell my husband "do whatever you -gzlady- ♀ (210 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 12:18:11

• Thank you. Hope tonight you can relax a lot. Have fun. -blhw72- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 12:31:49

• well said. The greatest lessons I've learned coming -maggiemay_pei- ♀ (681 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 12:32:55

• I believe the majority of oversea Chinese echo your sentiments. -blhw72- ♀ (251 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 12:46:44

• I am still waiting patiently,sweetie. LOL -MaggieMay_Pei- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 13:19:04

• 做了三十多年的"应该",让一下子改过来还是很难.正在学着如何说不 -飞渡- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 13:20:06

• 好贴! -飞渡- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 13:20:33

• 汗.我是说楼主的好贴 -飞渡- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 13:25:48

• xie xie. -blhw72- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/09/2006 postreply 13:35:20