自我认字起，就很想将母亲苦难的一生写下来，却一直没得时间。时间久了，忘记了许多细节，却不敢去问，怕再度引起母亲的伤怀。所以趁现在还存有记忆，先做一个草记。
Ever since I knew how to read, I had always been longing to put down in paper my mother's grieving and turbulent life. That I have never had a chance to do so until I realize that many details are slipping away with the fleeing time and the fear that my inquiry may have my mother relive her sad past, have resulted in this sketch on what I still remember.
母亲一生，似乎从她出生前就已注定是磨难重重，满腔苦水，以泪洗面。她从未见过自己的父亲，他也没见过她。并非生离死别，而是因为做父亲的从来也没想见她。
It seemed that my mother’s fate was predetermined even before she was born – tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and a teary face.
My mother never saw her father and neither did he her. It wasn’t so much a life-or-death tragedy as a fact that, a father as he was, he never gave a scintilla of thought to her, let alone a desire to see her.
没有人记得起母亲的父亲（我的外祖父）是什么时候去的缅甸。人们只知道他在那里发了财，据说是中了头彩，得了一大笔钱，外带一个“美女”。因此他当时有两房妻室，一房是那“美女”，而另一房便是我的外祖母。据说后来有人挑唆外祖父把钱投资到贩毒的“生意”中，被操作者告知在海上被稽查舰追击，所有“货物”都陈海灭脏了。似乎是被骗，但无法考察是否属实，外祖父的钱没了却是真的。幸好在缅甸还有一个大庄园，从此以土地为生。经营不大好，那都是后话。
No one could remember exactly when her father (my maternal grandfather) went to Myanmar. All people knew was that he made a fortune there. It was said the windfall was from a lottery and it had brought him a beauty. Including that beauty, he had two wives and the other one was my maternal grandma.
The rumor had it that grandpa was talked into putting all his money in an unsavory investment - drug trafficking. But the drug dealers told him that they were chased by the inspection boats of the Custom and had to dump all the “cargo” into the sea to bury the evidence. Maybe my grandpa was simply conned, but there was no way to verify what had actually happened. However, one thing was certain that his money was gone. Fortunately, he still had a big farm in Myanmar to fall back on. Again, he was not much of businessman and the farm was in a poor shape. But I will come to that part later.
外祖父的“美女”那边很快添了丁，而外祖母这边却很久没有动静。那一年，外祖父带着两房妻室回乡，建起了母亲家那座双院门、花砖地的大瓦房，方圆百里称羡。也巧，外祖母怀孕了，便决意留在海南把孩子生在家乡，暂时没有跟外祖父一家回缅甸。
Very soon, the beauty bore a baby boy for my grandpa, but nothing from my grandma. That year, grandpa took both of his wives back to his home town. To show his wealth, grandpa had built a huge house, tile-roofed, brick-floored and with a double-yard-door, which was much coveted by people within hundreds of miles. Coincidentally, my grandma was pregnant in that house. As a result, she decided to deliver the baby at her home town, Hainan, while grandpa and his beauty set on their way back to Myanmar.
外祖父走了，留给外祖母的交代是：如果生个男孩，就带去缅甸，如果是女孩子就算了。何谓“算了”？ 据说当地重男轻女，按旧习惯，不想要的女婴，即刻就放入水盆中弱水。大概是外祖母不忍，留在家乡把母亲带到了三、四岁。想是她还想生个儿子，终于要走了。母亲知晓后，央求外祖母带她同去，并日夜跟随不放。外祖母拗她不过，答应了，嘱咐她收拾好自己一个小箱子。出发的那天，村里人来送行。母亲跟着那小箱子在人腿中间穿梭，紧张地追随着。到了岔路口，外祖母叫母亲坐在箱子上等等，她去去厕所即来。
My Grandpa told my grandma when he left for Myanmar: if it is a boy, bring him to Myanmar; if it is girl, forget it. What did he mean by “forget it”? It was said that the old local practice at the time was to treasure boys and as a result of which, unwanted baby girls would be drowned right after birth in the delivering pans. Maybe out of her sympathy, grandma kept her baby girl and raised her until she was three or maybe four years old.
That baby girl was my mother.
Grandma had never stopped thinking of bearing a boy and therefore decided to leave for Myanmar. Knowing that grandma would leave soon, mother beseeched her to take her along and clung to grandma day and night. Touched by mother’s persistence, grandma agreed to bring her along and told her to put all her things into a small luggage.
Moving day, many villagers came to see grandma off. Dragging her luggage and drudging through a maze of people’s legs, my mother nervously followed grandma. When they came to a fork road, grandma asked mother to sit on her small luggage and wait while she went to a washroom.
That baby girl was my mother.
Grandma had never stopped thinking of bearing a boy and therefore decided to leave for Myanmar. Knowing that grandma would leave soon, mother beseeched her to take her along and clung to grandma day and night. Touched by mother’s persistence, grandma agreed to bring her along and told her to put all her things into a small luggage.
Moving day, many villagers came to see grandma off. Dragging her luggage and drudging through a maze of people’s legs, my mother nervously followed grandma. When they came to a fork road, grandma asked mother to sit on her small luggage and wait while she went to a washroom.
等啊等，天色渐晚，人已散去，仍不见人归。母亲不相信事实，执意要等妈妈回来。 三天三夜，她不吃不喝，守坐在那小箱子上。终于绝望了，她昏倒了，被堂亲抱回了家。母亲的眼泪流干了，由伤心变成了刻骨铭心的恨。
And my mother had waited and waited…
Near dusk, people dispersed and no sight of grandma, mother refused to believe her mother would not come back for her. She sat on that small luggage for three days and nights without any food and water. On the third day, desperate and weary, she passed out and was carried home by an extended relative. Tears dry, feelings numb, mother turned her sorrow into an indelible hatred.
