1 园艺手套/Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
2 强尼的祈祷/Johnny's Prayer
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while emerged and informed his mother that he had thought over and then said a prayer.
"Fine",said the pleased mother.
"If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."
"Oh,I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave,"said Johnny. "I asked him to help you put up with me."
3 推断/ Deducing
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
福尔摩斯和沃森博士正在露营。 他们把他们的帐篷放在星星下，然后睡觉。 在半夜时分福尔摩斯唤醒沃森，说：“沃森，看着星星，告诉我你看到了什么。”沃森回答说：“我看到数百万和数百万的星星。”福尔摩斯说：“你从中推导出什么？”沃森回答说：“嗯，如果有数百万颗恒星，甚至有几颗恒星都有行星，很可能有一些行星像地球那样，如果有几个行星像地球那样，那么也有可能是生命”。福尔摩斯说：“沃特，你白痴，这意味着有人偷了我们的帐篷。”
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.
5 它咬人吗？/Does He Bite？
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?
Reggie: That's what I want to find out.
CEO: My wife made a millionaire out of me.
Assistant: What were you before?
CEO: A multimillionaire.