周末一笑：Gardening Gloves（ZT）

1 园艺手套/Gardening Gloves

　　For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."

　　Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.　　

　　几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”

　　那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。

2 强尼的祈祷/Johnny's Prayer

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while emerged and informed his mother that he had thought over and then said a prayer.

"Fine",said the pleased mother.

"If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you."

"Oh,I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave,"said Johnny. "I asked him to help you put up with me."

强尼因为不乖就被赶进他的房间。过了一会儿。他就出来跟他的妈妈说他已缓!彻底反省，而且事后祷告了。

满心欢喜的妈妈说：“很好，如果你求上帝帮勘你不要不乖，她就会帮助你。”

强尼说："哦，我没有求她帮助我不要不乖; 我求它帮助你来忍受我。”

3 推断/ Deducing

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

福尔摩斯和沃森博士正在露营。 他们把他们的帐篷放在星星下，然后睡觉。 在半夜时分福尔摩斯唤醒沃森，说：“沃森，看着星星，告诉我你看到了什么。”沃森回答说：“我看到数百万和数百万的星星。”福尔摩斯说：“你从中推导出什么？”沃森回答说：“嗯，如果有数百万颗恒星，甚至有几颗恒星都有行星，很可能有一些行星像地球那样，如果有几个行星像地球那样，那么也有可能是生命”。福尔摩斯说：“沃特，你白痴，这意味着有人偷了我们的帐篷。”

4 聪明的鹦鹉

A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”

这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”

“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。

5 它咬人吗？/Does He Bite？

Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?

Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?

Reggie: That's what I want to find out.

里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗?

罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗?

里基：这正是我想要查明的。

6 百万富翁

CEO: My wife made a millionaire out of me.

Assistant: What were you before?

CEO: A multimillionaire.

首席执行官：我妻子使我成了一个百万富翁。

助手：以前你是什么?

首席执行官：千万富翁。