This translation is much better, but you need to note
the passive voice of "To be shredded and faded," which is not reflected by your translation of this line. This is important because there is a big transition after line 6 as I mentioned in my earlier post.
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Thank for the suggestion. I think that you are right.
-马下人-
♂
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03/07/2015 postreply
13:41:50