审稿建议

自我认字起，就很想将母亲苦难的一生写下来，却一直没得时间。时间久了，忘记了许多细节，却不敢去问，怕再度引起母亲的伤怀。所以趁现在还存有记忆，先做一个草记。

“Ever since I knew how to read, I had always been longing to put down in paper my mother's grieving and turbulent life. That I have never had a chance to do so until I realize that many details are slipping away with the fleeing time and the fear that my inquiry may have my mother relive her sad past, have resulted in this sketch on what I still remember.”

 1. tense; I have always been longing...since I knew how to write.

2. there should be no comma before "have resulted"

3. the 2nd sentence is too long.

母亲一生，似乎从她出生前就已注定是磨难重重，满腔苦水，以泪洗面。她从未见过自己的父亲，他也没见过她。并非生离死别，而是因为做父亲的从来也没想见她。

“It seemed that my mother’s fate was predetermined even before she was born – tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and a teary face. ”

1. tense, it seems...

2. "a teary face" is a poor choice, use "tears"; "predetermine" is the wrong word, should be "destine", "my mom is destined to ill fate even before..."; for better flow and connection, rewrite the sentence as "...my mother is destined to ill fate--tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and tears--even before she was born. She had never seen her father... "

 

所有跟帖： 

• Sportswoman,what do you think? -hammerheadshark- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 07:52:44

• -聚曦亭- what do you think? -hammerheadshark- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 07:54:27

• -Lucidus- what do you think? -hammerheadshark- ♀ (8 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 07:55:12

• Nice ... But ... -lucidus- ♂ (17718 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 08:05:28

• Yuan Fang, what do you think? -lucidus- ♂ (0 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 08:07:43

• LOL, you are such a slick fox! -hammerheadshark- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 08:12:29

• -yuanxiang- what do you think? -hammerheadshark- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/30/2013 postreply 07:56:46