只看了两段:
當 你的眼 凝望我的眼 When you gaze upon my eyes
世界從此不再需要語言 Language is no longer essential for us
當 你的唇 迎接我的吻 When your lips on my lips,-->either “With your lips on my lips” or “When your lips are on my lips”
世界從此不再需要時間 Time is no longer advancing than cease->no longer ...than... 用的怪。
有愛在 圍繞我心間 With my heart drenched in your love
有你在 苦也是甜 Bitter even tastes sweet in your companion->bitterness, maybe?
有多少個昨天 How many yesterday
是為了能圈住今天的一個願 Was spend to secure one of today’s engagement -->"how many" should be followed by countable nouns and plural forms, therefore: How many "yesterday"s were.
有多少次迷路 How many lost in the way
是為了能停留在這一瞬間 Was enough to remain at this moment-->same issue here. maybe you meant to put a times after how many?
因為有你所以有今天 By the reason of you here comes today