回复：我的演讲稿， 哈哈

夢想只能實現或不能實現﹐不說能持久或不能持久。這句其他都不錯。屬邏輯問題。

it will remember what language we communicate in
你這裡的WHAT應該就是IT所指。

what is more important, rather, is to be able to make impacts, big or small,
on the world with English, imperfect or perfect the same.
這句結構有些亂。沒有RATHER﹐句子可看作what is more important is to be able
to make impacts, big or small ... 沒錯。但有了RATHER﹐句子結構應是﹕what
is more important, rather, is to be able to make impacts, big or small ...
於是兩個IS就並列了﹐句子結構就不完整。這句請自己改一下再討論。

總評﹕能套用原文寫法﹐且套用得很好。但是所分三段立意﹐不相連續。而原文的
意思發展能貫通的。但至少在寫作技巧上能學到點東西。

所有跟帖： 

• 谢谢前辈的点评！ -jennea- ♀ (381 bytes) () 10/01/2011 postreply 21:18:36

• you'd better put it: -海外逸士- ♂ (69 bytes) () 10/02/2011 postreply 06:06:41