砸不对的地方你多包涵，咱们再商议。

very touching. As a mom, I can totally relate.

roller coast-->roller coaster
Angelina Joliet-->Jolie

Angelina Joliet delivered a Oscar-caliber performance, who totally disappeared into the role she was playing, a heart breaking（broken） mom whose son got kidnapped, but she never gave up her hope and had the guts to take on the whole corrupted LAPD to finally get the truth surfaced.

这个句子who从句跟在performance不太好，我自己可能会把它分成两句。现在的结构有点乱。but she是不是换成but who好一些，来定语从句修饰a heart-broken mom？

Although it was a false alarm, I believe no mom would like to go through this kind of false alarm one more time in her life。其他mom不一定有过这样经历，所以删掉one more time.

I was working from home that day, debugging a sticky issue on a remote server, which had the central time zone in the system. I must have lost the track of time

The moment I realized it, it was already half an hour past the pick up time. 

I rushed to the school while cursing all the way along。 不太确定，觉得没有along读着顺点儿。

on the campus 还是on campus不太确定。

only got the answer machine-->answering

I called all emergency contacts I listed for the school.--> all the

所有跟帖： 

• 非常精准呀, 你说的都很好, 没一块废砖,语感很棒, 大谢! -lilac09- ♀ (493 bytes) () 07/24/2011 postreply 16:45:40

• 我还是觉得那个who跟在performance之后不好。 -非文学青年- ♀ (661 bytes) () 07/24/2011 postreply 22:01:03

• 短句好，长的头晕 -selfselfself- ♂ (347 bytes) () 07/24/2011 postreply 22:44:40

• Good rewriting~ -lilac09- ♀ (579 bytes) () 07/25/2011 postreply 07:19:43

• I think yours conveys what I am trying to express. Much better t -lilac09- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/25/2011 postreply 07:13:29