Spring Hike (3)

 

9:30. I arrived at the assembly place of Don Mills Station on time.
Crowded! There were around fifty or sixty people already waiting in the hall beside the car pick-up area. The hike was organized by Tracy and Rachel. They were busy on the phone and checking the name list for roll call.
A guy beside me kept sneezing and didn’t cover his mouth with his hands or sleeve. If I moved right away, I would make him embarrassed. So I gave a stretch with my mouth closed, looking up and holding my breath for 15 seconds, and then moved away unnoticed.
People in clusters were chatting loudly. Standing on my left side was a man seemingly in his mid-30s. He was looking on Sheppard Avenue East through the glass window, singing something in a low voice. It was hard for me to figure out the rhythm and lyrics. But when he shifted a little to my side, his singing turned more audible.

Loved, you know the passion’s deep
Drunk, you know the wine’s strong
Nothing remains after the flower blossoms and withers
Fated affinity never stops when it comes and goes like Spring breeze 
A woman is like a flower, a flower is as a dream

Wasn’t that Anita Mui’s Woman Flower? A wave of goosebumps hit me hard. Holy! A man singing Woman Flower? I was old school. It seemed the older I got, the less sense this world made. I moved back to the sneezing man and stood facing the sensor slide door opening now and then.
Amongst the crowd, I only knew George who was now talking to three people close to me. George was hailing from Nanjing and his family origin was Hunan. So was mine though I grew up in Xi'an. He was about five feet nine inches tall, not fat, not slim, just fit, and had a representative face of Southern Chinese though his Mandarin was quite pure and genuine.
A pair of young Caucasian boy and girl entered the hall. They walked to the stairs leading to the entrance of the underground platforms, talking to each other in Russian. The boy was handsome while the girl, wearing high heels and skirt, was pretty, sexy, big, and even one inch taller than the boy.
“Wow, what a nice couple of Russian boy and girl!” George exclaimed. “High-heel sandals and short skirt? Summer is here. How cute! I would love to marry her. Also, I wonder if the boy would be able to HANDLE her.”
People around burst out laughing. So did George himself after his own words. He didn’t notice the special look I shot him. But a girl in green, on my right side, who hadn’t laughed along with others caused my attention.
In response to what had happened, I said in a low voice, “what did he mean by HANDLE? Aren’t we Chinese the students of Confucius and Mencius? Shouldn’t we abide by the philosophy of Zhu Xi and Cheng Yi? How many Chinese are still Chinese nowadays?”
“Don’t take it serious,” the girl started. “He might be kidding there.”
“No, I wasn’t that serious. But thank you.”
“Some people like to comment others in public and some don’t. But it doesn’t have much to do with whatever you got from the four people you mentioned. Also, being much into a sexy girl and hoping to be with such girl doesn’t mean a Chinese is no longer a Chinese. Or the other way, to dislike sexy girls doesn’t give any one the proof that he is Chinese either.”
I shrugged approval.
“Moreover, Zhu and Cheng are kind of holier than thou. Especially Zhu. Look how he prosecuted and tortured Yan Rui. So don’t let them taint your mind.”
Obviously, to challenge her straight this moment was not a wise option. I didn’t feel she really had got the cream of Zhu’s thought either. To negate completely our sage’s philosophy was never a thing I would care to do. As such, the job of re-directing the talk to a cute topic fell inescapably on me. “When time machine is available, I will take a ride to go back to 12th Century and turn to be Yue Fei’s third son.”
“Why?”
“What else can be more exciting than saving a pretty and talented prostitute under Zhu Xi’s prosecution and torture?”
The girl couldn’t help but laughed, and said, “by the way, Yan Rui is not prostitute, rather a geisha, or an escort girl exclusive in singing for the army.”
“You mean, like Tang Can?”
The girl’s choking with laughter drew attention from around.
Actually, due to poverty and birth lowliness, Yan was sold to be a prostitute in barracks. Of that I was certain. But I didn’t want to argue. Big deal?
“See? I was choking, you didn’t have to take time machine to go anywhere in time to save me, but you didn’t do anything.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do,” I explained.
“No, I’m kidding. I’m all fine.” She smiled.
“Great. Oh, by the way, my name is...” my words were stopped by a pair of purple-nailed hands from behind masking the girl’s eyes. I pulled my held out hand back. The girl turned around.
“Surprise!” The purple-nailed girl, slim and tall, shouted with a big smile and opened her arms.
“Lina!” The girl echoed and they hugged up excitedly.
To my surprise, that Russian girl appeared again now, coming back up from the escalator. This time, George was quiet. She passed me by and walked through the door to an Infiniti SUV waiting outside the hall. She was truly a bombshell. Now I felt George’s words haunting me. Would I be able to handle her? Suddenly, I woke up from the fantasy. How the heck did I conceive such idea in my mind? Shame.
Because of this foolish fantasy, I missed the chance to tell the girl my name when Rachel and Tracy came to ask her and Lina to take the car with three other boys waiting on the parking lot.
Each 5 people were arranged to take ride in one car. Out of five, two would drive in alternate, in case one got tired. With the sun rising higher, morning wind turned into soft breeze signaling the arrival of lazy Madam Spring of Canada.
We were finally about to depart. George seemed very happy being sandwiched by two girls in the back row.
The man on the driver seat was murmuring and watching other cars set off one after another as Tracy and Rachel instructed. Checking around, he started the engine and our car joined the stream.
“Are you new in Canada?” His speech partook of Sichuan dialect.
“Hmm, according to my Hongkong friend, any one getting here before the return of Hongkong in 1997 is old immigrant. So I’m newbie. You?”
“Me? I just came here several months ago. Once I came, I found there’s nothing much I could do here. I don’t speak much English, neither do I speak much Mandarin. Before, I thought everyone under the sky spoke Sichuanese.” He laughed out himself.
“But I can understand you well though.”
“Maybe after another few months, I will go back to Sichuan and tell my friends that I’ve been to Canada and it’s quite an experience in my life.”
“Then how will you prove to any one on the world that you’ve been to Canada?” I questioned.
“I’ve visited the Niagara Falls.”
“No, that doesn’t count in proving you’ve been to Canada.” I said with a smirk.
“I’ve visited the CN Tower.”
“No, that doesn’t count either.”
“I’ve visited Royal Ontario Museum, Art Gallery of Ontario, Eaton Centre, Ontario Science Museum, High Park, St. Lawrence Market, China Town, Korea Town, Little Italy, the Distillery. Plus, I’ve also visited Mississauga, Markham, Richmond Hill, Vaughan, Pickering, Ajax, Ottawa, Montreal, and Quebec City.”
“No, they don’t.”
“But what counts then?” he demanded.
“You got to hear this from different girls 3 times every day and you will gesture, to your friends, that you talk on cell phone and mimic, ‘YOU'RE GONNA BE KIDDING ME...WHAT?!! ARE YOU SERIOUS? OH MY GOD! GORDON IS SUCH A BIG LIAR.’ This, will prove you’ve really been here.”
“That’s funny and that’s new to me.” He adjusted the center mirror a bit and asked, “but who is that Gordon?”
“Nobody, or it could be any body or John Smith. Sometimes they say GORDON IS SUCH A BIG JOKER. You know what I mean.”
“I got it.”
“Moreover, what also counts is, you will have to hear the word ‘LIKE’ from young Canadians 5.5 million times in a day.”
“Why?” he asked. “Do they say ‘I LIKE HOCKEY, I LIKE FOOD, I LIKE WINTER’ all the time?”
“Right, that’s only part of the functions and the LIKE you mentioned was used as verb. LIKE also has other functions. It runs as preposition and conjunction. And it’s really being used in a lot of circumstances. If you hear a Canadian girl say, ‘I already told him a lot of times, I mean, a lot, like, a lot’. See, the word here quite acts as an interjection, to emphasize the fact. Now, I found LIKE is used more as quotative. Nowadays, you seldom hear people say, SHE SAID, AND THEN I SAID. First, said was gradually replaced by went in oral. SHE SAID AND THEN I SAID turned to SHE WENT, AND THEN I WENT. Then some people didn’t feel comfortable with past tense. So it turned to, SHE GOES, AND THEN I GO. Then it turned to SHE WAS LIKE, AND THEN, I WAS LIKE. Now, it’s just SHE’S LIKE, AND THEN, I’M LIKE.”
“Interesting. Canadians are interesting.”
“They are funny.”
“Are Canadians the cutest group in the world?”
“You mean no one is cuter than Canadian under the sky? LIKE no one doesn’t speak Sichuanese under the sky? But really not many are as cute as they are.” I reasoned.
“Do you smoke?” he asked.
“No, why?”
“No, I’m just asking. Do you drink?”
“No,” I said.
“Do you play mah-jong?”
“No.”
“You are pathetic. In Sichuan, we man smoke, drink, and play mah-jong with all beauties around taking good care of us.”
“Sounds you had life back home.” Noticing him overtaking all the cars, I reminded, “you drive too fast. We will lose them.”
“I hate to see people drive ahead of me. I can’t stand that. And I don’t worry we will be lost because you are here. We won’t be unable to find the place anyway.”
“Okay, all right,” said I resignedly. “Thank God, I googled the route last night, and also printed out the map, otherwise...”
“I also tried,” he cut in. “But I went to Baidu, it didn’t help much.”
“You used Baidu for checking the driving route to Spencer Gorge in Hamilton? Hey, George, which country are we in by the way?” I asked. But George was too busy with the girls to hear me. “See how dedicated he is.” I shot the driving brother a blink.
“You know I’m new here and I got used to using Baidu.” He further explained.
“But hadn’t Sun Quan’s mum told you, consult Baidu for unsolved home affairs, consult Google for unclear social affairs?”
He laughed. “Right, go hiking with people is definitely social affair. Google should be the one I question accordingly. I totally forgot this tip though I really perused Romance of Three Kingdoms quite a few times. Oh, by the way, so who will drive the way back?”
I turned and spoke louder, “Georgia, he’s asking who’s gonna drive the other half?”
“Whom are you talking to?” Obviously, my teasing worked because he heard me this time. “My name is George, don’t call me Georgia. I’m too busy. So don’t ask me. And I’m mean and lazy by the way.”
Everyone in the car laughed.
“We girls are very bad in telling directions, and we get lost all the time.” The girls added.
But that couldn’t be the excuse. Didn’t they drive their own cars all the time?
Sichuan brother looked at me. Sighed, I said, “a terrible car accident almost killed me and I got traumatized thereby. I deprived myself of driving. And I have to guide you the way there and the way home.”
“What date is today? 11, right? No wonder, 11 is my lucky number. Lucky me, comrades, lucky me.” He spoke in local Sichuan tongue. 
“You know what,” I lowered my voice, “George will drive. I’m pretty sure about that, because I know him well. Believe me.”
“Really? Hmm. That’s nice. Long time driving is tedious. Hey,” he turned excited, “tip me a song to make my job easier?”
“What? Where the heck is that request from?”
“You don’t want to take a safer ride? Come on.”
Thinking for seconds, I replied, “Uh, o-k-a-y. Just let you know, people seldom hear me sing songs and I don’t sing in public. Basically, the only place I allow myself to sing is the washroom without anyone else in.”
“Same here,” he echoed.
I was really surprised by my story’s impact. It seemed such story needed to be continued, “I have an impression that singing when peeing helps you not to get prostate problem when you turn old. So I try to live my life in a healthy way. I pee and I sing, and I...”
“Hold on, where did you get that impression?” he cut in again.
“I heard people say so.”
“Who is the people?”
“My cousin.”
“How old is he?”
“16.”
“Does he really know what prostate is and where it is? I even don’t know much myself. You believe that?”
“I guess he just heard that from someone somewhere. I wouldn’t mind believing. I always believe what people say.”
“But peeing is short and it doesn’t give you enough time to complete a song anyway. I sing when I shit. At least I have time to sing one or two songs.”
I opened my eyes wider and looked at him, “You sing every time you ... well, guess you made a great contribution to Toronto sewage system.” The conversation seemed to be turning out of what a conversation between two men basically unknown to each other was supposed to be. “That’s too much for me. You know what, people are unique and different. Maybe that’s where a lot of people feel comfortable to refresh their minds.”
“I will make sure you stay by my side when I drive anywhere for hiking or for anything next time.”
“Careful. Another tractor trailer is upcoming from behind,” I reminded.
“Just too many big trucks here. So now, would you sing?”
“I think I’m gonna turn to be a whole brand-new me as of today.”
“Way to go, buddy,” he exclaimed.
“So you are responsible for the consequence yourself?” I asked.
“Sure. I’m all ears. So ready, set, go.”
“Hold on, hold on, let me get my emotion ready first.” I cleared my throat, paused for seconds, then started. “Nineteen seventy-nine, that was the season of spring. There was an old man coming to the South China seaside to draw a circle...”
“Stop, stop. If I hear another single word more, I will drive the car to underneath the tractor trailer ahead.”
“Why? Am I a bad singer for you?”
“No, not that. I just want to open the window because I feel I will throw up.”
“Fine, I open the window on my side for you.” I pushed the button and the window was opened a big crack. “Doesn’t the song sound pretty enough to you?”
“How can you call this a song? I’m pretty sure the author’s head had got jammed by doors before he dumped this load of shit. Whenever I hear it, I feel something like, well, how I shall put here, you know how I feel.”
“You feel nauseous, just like Soong May-ling vomited three days for the poem Guo Moruo made to flatter Stalin?”
“That’s it. That’s exactly how I felt. Now could you please sing another one?” He shook his head, “Man!”
“All right.”
“Wait, wait, which song are you gonna sing though?” Lessons made people smarter.
“Party, Party, Dear Mummy.”
“Mercy, dude, mercy.”
“You don’t wanna hear?”
“Do you have anything better to do other than rape my ears with these junks?”
“Hey, be careful,” I shouted, “there, 403, take 403.”
“I see, I saw. Here ... we .. come.” The car started to switch the lanes as he yelled gladly.
“Actually, I don’t know the lyrics of Party, Party, Dear Mummy, and I only know the first two lines of the song I sang just now. So thanks for stopping me.”
“To be honest with you, buddy, I remember the lyrics. The beginning is, Party ah, Party ah, dear Mummy. I grew up with your sweet milk you fed me.”
“Is that the lyrics? You sure?” I doubted.
“Hmm, I don’t have a good memory. But,” he hiccupped and then said, “most likely, it’s pretty close to that. Hey, who had sex with the Party to get her pregnant and eventually made her a wet nurse?”
“Why do you ask me? I didn’t do anything. I’m innocent.”
“Excuse me, would you mind rolling the window up a bit? It’s windy back here.” The voice of the girl from behind sounded soft and sweet. Her name was Jane, an IT girl from Amoy, Fujian. But I couldn’t ROLL the window up because there was no handle. Window control in this car was not manual.
“Sorry I forgot to close it.” I replied as I buzzed the window up close. The three people behind me were really excited, arguing and laughing all the time.
“See? 403 will gradually merge into QEW. They overlap for certain miles.” I reminded.
“Here,” the Sichuan man reached to pull a CD out and passed it to me. “I got this from my friend yesterday. She’d downloaded and burned some old English songs. You know what, I hardly listen to English songs, but I like quite a few in this disc. My English is bad, I can never tell the lyrics and don’t know what they are. There’s no name, no list. Especially the first song, I really like it. Can you tell me what it is? Can you try?”
“Well, I can always try. I know some old songs, but no guarantee. Guess nothing is from Justin Bieber ’cause he’s new and I don’t know many songs of his.”
“Who’s Justin Bieber?” he asked.
“Uh, never mind. Play it.”
He inserted the disc into the car's media player. When the first five notes were hit, I already knew the song and it was really as old as a granny’s heel.

Are you going to Scarborough fair
Parsley sage rosemary and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine

I turned my head aside and gazed into the distance.

 

Notes:

01. Anita Mui - legendary singer of Hongkong (梅艳芳)

02. Woman Flower - Anita Mui's popular song 《女人花》
03. Students of Confucius and Mencius - by default, Chinese are the mixture of students of Confucius and Mencius, believers of Buddhism, and adherents of Taoism (孔孟门生)
04. the philosophy of Cheng Yi and Zhu Xi - Cheng Yi and Zhu Xi are the two most important developers for rationalistic Confucian philosophical school during Song Dynasty (960 AD - 1279 AD) (程朱理学). Confucius (孔子), Mencius (孟子), Cheng Yi (程颐), and Zhu Xi (朱熹) are the most important philosophers in ancient China.
05. Yan Rui - a talented poetess and pretty prosititute in army barrack in Song Dynasty, who was also persecuted by Zhu Xi and his followers, but liberated and set free by Yue Lin, the third son of famous national hero General Yue Fei (严蕊)

06. Tang Can - nicknamed Army Enchantress, a singer singing Communist songs for the army, having certain scandal problems (汤璨)
07. Yue Fei's third son - Yue Lin, the chief public prosecutor of Hangzhou City where Yan Rui was jailed (岳飞三子岳霖)
08. Sun Quan’s mom - Sun Quan is the emporer of Kingdom Wu in Romance of Three Kingdoms and Sun Quan's mother is the dowage empress (孙权之母吴国太)
09. Consult Baidu for unsolved home affairs, consult Google for unclear social affairs - the saying is diverted from Sun Quan's mom's words to Sun Quan which is "to consult Zhang Zhao for unsolved internal affairs and consult Zhou Yu for undecided external affairs (内事不决问百度，外事不决问谷歌。吴国太的原话为“内事不决问张昭，外事不决问周瑜”)
10. Nineteen seventy-nine, that was the season of Spring. There was an old man coming to the South China seaside to draw a circle... - the lyrics of a propaganda song Story of Spring (“1979年，那是一个春天，有一位老人在中国的南海边画了一个圈……”，共党歌曲《春天的故事》歌词)
11. Soong May-ling - Madame Chiang Kai-shek (宋美龄, 1897 - 2003)
12. Guo Moruo - the most intelligent scholar and the most boneless political swinger in China who wrote a poem to flatter Stalin while the poem is disgusting enough to make people throw up (郭沫若, 1892 - 1978)
13. Party ah, Party ah, dear Mummy. I grew up with your sweet milk you fed me - the lyrics of another propaganda song (“党啊，党啊，亲爱的妈妈，你用那甘甜的乳汁把我喂养大……”，共党歌曲《党啊，亲爱的妈》歌词)
14. Amoy, Fujian - also spells as Xiamen, Fujian Province (福建厦门)