An elegantly written love letter, but

 

先生写得非常漂亮，相信能成就不少良缘。 我只是提出一点小想法。说得不对, 请先生海涵。

 

1. The use of “Miss” is too formal, it is better to omit the salutation and just use first name or even nickname. 

2. Following two sentences sound too cliché to me. I wonder if anyone can still be touched by these clichés. It is better to quote something else.  

- It seems that three autumns have elapsed if we don't see each other for a day (一日不见，如隔三秋)

- I will love you for the rest of my life with all my heart, until seas go dry and rocks turn rotten (海枯石烂不变心)

3. English seems a little bit too old-fashioned to me, like "unite in holy matrimony", “made your acquaintance” et al.

所有跟帖： 

• 哈哈，我要是找逸老代写一封这样的情书，对方肯定一眼就识破了！ -肖庄- ♀ (52 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:40:07

• 肖妹妹不用写情书，你是收情书专业户。 -NewVoice- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:49:38

• 顶！~~ -EnLearner- ♀ (116 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:51:49

• Whom are u proud of? Sheng Jie, or yourself? -肖庄- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:54:15

• No, It's you that I am pround of. haha. -EnLearner- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:56:20

• 哈哈，没有的事儿。晚安声姐！ -肖庄- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/07/2011 postreply 18:52:41

• 謝謝寶貴意見。 -海外逸士- ♂ (225 bytes) () 12/08/2011 postreply 05:49:10

• 谢谢先生！先生真谦虚！ -NewVoice- ♀ (0 bytes) () 12/08/2011 postreply 07:14:30