If Amy Chua were a Chinese-American Man
by 作舟
After reading the discussions on the "tiger mom" and the author's own revealing details, including the users’ description of the contents of this book on wenxuecity.com, I can not imagine if a book like this has been written by a man of Chinese descent. What consequences will it entail?
If a Chinese-American man has written such a book, the possibility of being published would have been much smaller than George W. Bush winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Unfair is that a woman of Chinese descent wrote it, and she wrote it with a self-righteous tone, and the book has been made “popular” by the
The world has always been unfair. The unfortunate ones will get the unfair treatment from their parents right after being born!
Raising a child is every parent's duty, regardless of the fact that they may not understand the meaning of bringing the child into this world and the challenges the child will face which the parents can never predict.
Unfortunately, most of human beings give birth to a child at a psychologically and spiritually immature age, not knowing what life really means. It is even worse when a child was born not out of love.
Continuation of life is one of human and animal instincts, but the difference between humans and animals is the way they "educate" the future generations.
In the past or places that suffer from extreme poverty, people used to force their children to learn a "skill" (such as singing Beijing Opera, acrobatics, etc.) in order to survive. During the feudal era in
Time has changed. In developed countries, should people adhere to the old "education" method so that the child will not be starved to death? Should the child be forced to learn a useful trade or skill before he or she develops independent thinking and resistance capacity? In the end, what is the education for a child or a young adult?
The jungle today has been intensified. The sense of anxiety and crisis has been applied to the child by his or her parents at an early stage. Because a child depends on his or her parents completely, he or she sometimes is treated like the parents’ property and a means to achieve certain goals.
Corporal punishment is a form of abuse and folly that has never been stopped throughout the history of human education and parenting. Violence has its own cycle. It is the byproduct of genetic necrosis in a violent environment. Violence has different impacts on its victims, but the nature of violence remains the same. Sometimes violence is bloodless; some violence or abuse is often carried out under high-sounding excuses.
Developed society and civilization can not stop the violence; high level of education and wealth can not prevent human folly.
Divided by the economic gain and power, the rich and the privileged always want to climb higher, closer to the tip of the pyramid, but they are not the voice of humanity. Their common sense has succumbed to greed, anxiety, vanity, and their jealous mind is off balance. In their eyes, the labor of farmers and factory workers, street cleaners, a hotel's handyman, the dishwashers, etc., etc. are extremely horrible, unimaginable jobs. The real world is their nightmare; To live as the privileged class is their goal.
For some people, it is easy to create an imbalanced thinking in an unfair world. These people are not trying to make the world fair, but climbing blindly towards the tilted higher end of the scale.
I sympathize with mothers in the world. I also consider maternal love as one of the most beautiful qualities of mankind. Maternal love should be selfless and unconditional. When a mother’s love becomes a mixture of selfishness, conditions and restrictions, it is no longer love.
Our mothers are great because they never treat us like properties which they can show off in front of others; of course, they also have expectations of their children, but they will not "default" a "program" and force us to walk along it to the end of life. Although our mothers did not have a higher education, but they know the basic humanity such as "Do not do unto others which you would not have them onto you." This includes their children.
I love my mother. When we were little, she never forced us to learn a "skill"; I read the same books with other kids in school. Even though
When there was no school, we ran wild and played outside for the most part of the day. We were sometimes wicked and we had fights. We fell and our noses bled. But as soon as the wound was healed, we returned to the free and unconstrained "battlefield" with our childhood friends. I remember what my grandmother once said: A child should live and play like a child!
In short, we could not be more ordinary while growing up. But we did not lose the pursuit of life, and our love and understanding for our parents also grew. We tasted the bitterness of life. We’ve had ups and downs, but we live our own lives. We grew from being naive to maturity. We have never heard of a childhood friend complaining about his or her parents had failed to make him or her a "child prodigy." That would have been ridiculed or considered sick by others.
I can not imagine a father, who tries to make his child a "genius" in a process with corporal punishment and verbal abuse, would write a self-congratulatory book about his "education" and dubbed "Chinese-style parenting"! In discussing the Chinese style "tiger mother," I think we should ask ourselves: What if Amy Chua were a man? How will the readers respond then?
Traditional "Chinese education" is a synonym for "reading books." What books do the "tiger moms" have their children read? There are already too many children playing the violin and the piano in the world, but who will be the next Yo-Yo Ma or Lang Lang?
When a child is forced to consume a few years or a decade on a musical instrument and still cannot meet the expectations of their parents, how much else could this child have missed in life? When a child does not have the mental balance, what will happen to them when dreams fail? When a delusional goal is set ahead of the child, how can he or she experience and understand the beauty of ordinary life? How can he or she appreciate the things the less fortunate children do not have?
The biological relationship between any parent and the child does not give the parent all the rights over the child’s life. Especially when some parents’ own understanding of life is trapped in fears and anxieties pressured by the outside world and their subjective mindset alike, these fears should not be passed on to the child.
After growing up, if we have “succeeded” with our own talent and hard work, most of us will naturally thank our parents for their love and nurturing. But if the recognition comes prematurely from one’s own parents while flaunting themselves, then this vulgar behavior may satisfy the vanity of the parents for a short time, but it will eventually subvert the child’s values and the child will not be able to see the emptiness in the expanding bubble of selfishness and self-love, and it also runs the risk of the child showing contempt for ordinary but important work and labor.
如果Amy Chua是个华裔男子
看了一些关于「虎妈」的报道和作者自己透露的细节，包括文学城网友对此书内容的描述，我无法想像如果这样一本书的作者是个有中国血统的男人写的，后果又会怎样？
如果一个华裔男人写了这样的书，出版的可能性要比小布什获诺贝尔和平奖还小。不公平的是，一个有中国血统的女人写了，并用赞美自己的口吻写的，而且被美国的媒体炒出来了。
世界从来是不公平的。不幸的人，一出生就会先从父母那里得到不公平的待遇！
养育孩子是每一个将他/她们生下来的父、母亲的天职，不论他们在孩子出生前清不清楚将一个生命带到这个世界上的意义和他们无法预见的种种挑战将会是什么。遗憾的是，大多数的人类生育时期是处在年轻稚嫩阶段，尚不懂得自己活在这个世界上到底意味着什么。
延续生命是人类和动物的本能之一，区别是人类和动物“教育”后代的方式。
在过去和极度贫穷的地方，有的人强迫孩子在幼小的童年就要学一门“本领”（如唱戏、杂技等）为的是不会饿死。封建时代，为了一门手艺或技艺不失传或不传给外人，没有选择的孩子就会被强迫去“继承”大人学过的那点儿东西。生活所迫，人们习以为常了。
时代变了，在发达地区，人们是否还要秉承古老的“教育”方式以至让孩子不会被饿死？是否也要在孩子尚无独立思考能力和反抗能力时强迫他/她们去学一门父母认为有用的手艺或技艺？童年和青少年所要受的“教育”到底是什么？
在弱肉强食愈演愈烈的今天，有些父母将“危机感”过早地施加给了年幼的孩子。因为孩子要完全受父母的养育和资助，有的父母将孩子变成了自己的“财产”和达到某种目的的手段。
体罚是人类“教育”方式中从未间断的暴力和蠢行。暴力是循环的，是暴力环境中坏死基因的遗传。暴力对他人产生不同的后果，但暴力的性质还是暴力。暴力有时是不流血的；暴力很多时候是在冠冕堂皇下进行的。
发达的社会和文明不能制止人类的暴力；高学历和财富也无法阻止人类的蠢行。
由经济和权利分割而居于社会中的上层人群并不是人类文明的代言人。他/她们的私欲和危机感、虚荣和攀比往往会断送他/她们理性和平常心。在他/她们的眼里，种地的农民和工厂的工人、大街小巷的清洁工、酒店里的杂役、洗碗的临时工等等等等都是极其“可怕”的、不可想像的职业。真实的世界是他/她们的恶梦，特权阶层是他/她们的“奋斗目标”。
不公平的世界里很容易让人产生不平衡的思维方式。但他/她们不是试图去让世界变得公平，而是一味朝高高翘起的秤杆儿一端攀爬。
我同情这个世界上的母亲们，也视母爱为人类美丽的品质之一。母爱应该是无私的、是无条件的。当母爱掺杂了自私和种种条件和限制，母爱就不是母爱了。
我们的母亲之所以伟大是因为她们从未把我们当做攀比的砝码；当然，她们对孩子们也期望，但她们不会为孩子们“预设”一个“程序”强迫孩子们去沿着它走道生命的尽头。尽管我们的母亲没有高等学历，但她们懂得像“己所不欲、勿施于人”这样的基本人道。
我爱我的母亲；我的母亲在我们小时候从未强迫我们去学什么“一技之长”；我和其他的孩子一样在学校读同样的书，尽管当时的中国还很落后，但我们都怀念那个美好的童年，因为它是自然的，童年的伙伴们和我们一起铸造了只有孩子才懂得的“天堂”，没有成年人施加的种种压力。没有课的时候，我们能在外面撒野似的玩儿上大半天。我们有时会淘气得打架，甚至摔得头破血流。但伤口一好，我们又和伙伴们回到了自由无羁的“战场”。我记得奶奶说过的一句话：小孩子就得活得像小孩子！
我们就那样长大了，普通得不能再普通。但我们并没有失去对人生的追求，更没有减弱对父母的敬爱与理解。我们品味着人生的酸甜苦辣咸，我们自己在走自己的路，从天真到成熟，也从未听说谁埋怨过父母在小时候没让自己变成“神童”。那样的话会遭到他人的耻笑；那样的话，人就有病了。
我无法想像一位在体罚和威胁过程中让孩子成为艺人似的“天才”的父亲会出书为自己的“教育”方式自夸一番，并冠之“中国式的培养”！在讨论中国式「虎妈」的帖子里，我们应该问一问这个问题：假如蔡美儿是个男人，读者的反响又会怎样！？
“中式教育”的一个代名词是“读书”。「虎妈」式的母亲们让孩子们读的是什么书？另外，这个世界上拉提琴的、弹钢琴的孩子太多了，但有几个会成为马友友、朗朗？？当一个孩子被迫在一件乐器上消耗了几年或十几年的光阴后仍然没有达到预期的梦想，她/他错过的又是什么？当一个孩子还不具备心理平衡能力时，她/他的失败和梦想的破灭会有什么后果？当一个年幼的生命被提前设立了一个虚无的目标，他/她又能怎样去自己体验和理解那些美丽平凡的人生？？
父母与孩子的血缘关系并不是他/她们凌驾于孩子生命之上的特权。尤其是当一些做父母的人对生命的理解被外界和主观的因素影响而陷入恐惧和担忧时，他/她们更不应该将其转嫁给孩子们。
我们中的大多数在长大成人后，如果靠自己的天份和努力“出人头地”了，“成功”了，我们自然会想起父母的关爱和熏陶。但是，如果父母自己过早地表扬自己、标榜自己，那么，这种庸俗的行为除了满足一下该父母的虚荣心，它也会颠覆孩子们的价值观、看不到自我膨胀泡沫的虚无和藐视平凡与劳作的危险。
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