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【♣ 三X生日感言 ♣】 就这样, 俺又老了一岁 - by Lilac
[生日感言] 早上起来，拔掉了3根白发，挤掉了2颗痘痘，吃了半片吐司，怎么自己就又长了一岁。这世上，胖了就少吃两顿，准保能瘦一点点，嫌钱少，就多打一份工，荷包就可以鼓几分。就是这岁数，就只有这么一根筋，往上涨的份，没有任何法子，中国人民银行是你家开的，也不中。俺也想象古代文人骚客伤春悲秋，叹韶华易逝，青春难再一番。呸，太酸，有一句说的好，“每个今天都是你余生中最年青的一天”。俺一听年青，还是最年青，俺就象打鸡血一样兴奋不已。好，俺就在俺这余生中最年青的一天里，请大家吃好吃的，看八文，赏片片, 听音乐。咱活在当下，活好当下，中不？ 上一道菜，香辣虾 -香辣虾真好吃，鲜香鲜辣，就着热腾腾的白米饭，噌噌两碗就下去了，吃完了再把沾着虾油的指头吮吮, 人生快意呀~~ Lilac’s Spicy Shrimps Recipe:
说起这个吃虾，俺想起了小学的事。俺家住在内地，很少吃海鲜，看过的都不多，海鲜很贵很稀罕，从书上描绘的加上自己YY的，如何如何，就想的不行。俺有个同桌，男同学，不是同桌的你的那位，硬生生不带一丝丝情愫。他的名字俺都忘了，他长的胖敦敦的，在那个以暴制暴的野蛮岁月的和平夹缝里，他给了俺对海鲜的初体验 -- 这是一个野蛮女，暴力男加麻辣海鲜的碎碎念故事 . ( 咱看文嘻笑的同时，顺便把英文也学了) As I grow up, no matter for silly kids pretend plays (办家家) or formal school shows, I have never ever been picked out to play any role that is close to a princess or a lady. I have been one of the princess’s evil stepsisters, a slick (圆滑的, 口齿伶俐的) servant girl, a female bandit and even a “pants role” (女扮男装) as a male villain. Deep down in my heart, I yearned painfully for playing an elegant lady, even just for once, but it never happened. I once indignantly (义愤的)cornered a boy who vetoed (否 决) me as “Xiao Jie” at the kindergarten backyard and forced him to change his veto until he wetted his pants. Was I that bad? I looked into the mirror. I was not that ugly or unpleasant, I believed. Maybe I never have any lady genes in my body since I was born. The crazy episode below proved it well. Once in our Elementary School’s New Year potluck party, my mom, who was also a teacher of that school back then, got way too high on drinking. She was so drunk that she couldn’t even stand straight (This is the only time I remember my mom drunk. Even a nun can get crazy once in her lifetime. So I won’t blame her for that one time indulgence (放纵)). Several male co-workers tried to drag her to a flatbed tricycle (三轮平板车) (Later I figured out that they were trying to find a way to send her home). My mom was struggling, kicking and protesting along the way in the mumbling voice. Although I was only about 7 or 8 years old at that time and didn’t know much about the man-woman stuff, I really didn’t like seeing my mom being manhandled (粗暴地对待) by any man except my daddy. I felt so furious that I rushed forward, pounced on a guy who looked like the mastermind (策划者) of this whole farce (闹 剧) and sunk my teeth down deeply into his hand that was gripping my mom’s arm.
The man I bit was our PE teacher, the strongest and biggest person in our elementary school. And I, the thinnest girl in our second grade who always flunked the PE tests, left the teeth mark on his right hand, permanently. After that accident, I rose to fame (声名鹊起) in the school as the “tiger girl” or the “doggie girl”. And from that time on, all my desk mates assigned by the teachers were the most mischievous boys in the class. The strategy was called - “fight violence with violence”. One of them was a chubby (胖乎乎的) boy. I’ve forgotten his name. Let’s call him Little Fatty. Little Fatty (小胖) didn’t like study. His biggest fun was to bring troubles to the teachers. My job was to subdue (镇压) him during class time till the recess. It was a tough mission. We fought against each other the first second we sat together. This desk mate thing has nothing to do with what that famous romantic song sings about. It’s a plain history of blood and tears (一部血泪史) for both of us. I poked him with sharpened pencil when he crossed the middle line drawn on the desk. He sneakily squeezed the ink from ballpoint pen, dripped it along the middle line to get my new dress smeared (弄脏). I couldn’t wait to try my newly learned trick of how to pinch a guy most effectively on him – just pinch a little skin of your enemy with sharp fingernails then twist it clockwise, which would even bring Kingkong's tears down, I guaranteed. He would try to kick off the chair to let me sit onto the floor every time he got the chance. Like all the wars, there was still truce (休战) although it was very short. During the truce, we would sometimes barter some goodies (作物物交换). Both of us were gluttons (馋猫) for yummy food, which was probably the only thing we were in common besides violence. I particularly had a thing for seafood. We lived inland, so far away from the ocean that those lobsters, crabs sounded like a big fantasy to me. My parents weren’t fond of the seafood at all and claimed they were allergic to it, so would I for the genetic reason as they said. I guessed that “price” was the real reason behind it. Once we were invited to a banquet, my mom and dad pigged out (大吃特吃) on all those fried shrimps and steamed crabs till their cheeks had a red glow and their belch became thunder like. If that was so called “allergy”, I didn’t mind getting one at all. Little Fatty was the only boy in his family, who got all the love dumped on him mercilessly. His doting (溺爱的) parents always bought seafood for him. He somehow got to know my secret. So occasionally he would bring some steamed crab legs school to purposely make my mouth watering. That was his worst trick he ever played on me. That was the only time I could clearly feel my weakness and make me hate my guts (恨 之入骨). The crab legs I somehow bummed (乞讨) or threatened from him were so skinny, no bigger than the hind legs of a grasshopper. (Later on, I figured out that they were just some river crabs, not my dream seafood. BS Little Fatty, dare to fool me) Each time in order to deal with those tiny legs, I had to sit up, squint (眯 着眼睛) my eyes and use a bobby pin (发夹) to carefully dig out that itty-bitty (极小的) white thing called meat. It was like tasting MSG(味 精). It was so tasty because it was so little. Little fatty once teased me that he would vote me for “Xiao Jie” the time I was working on those crab legs, so quiet, so absorbed and well behaved. I then just hit him with the empty crab legs I finished with. Later on, as I grew up, moved, went to college, got married (Thank God!) and came to California. The Pacific Ocean becomes my neighbor. When I can treat myself to shrimps, lobster, crabs, clams and all kinds of seafood to my heart’s content (心满意足), they suddenly lose all the appeal for me. I find they are too bland to stimulate my appetite that has been cultivated by the lifetime eating of spicy food. That is how this newly discovered spicy shrimp recipe suits me just well, which rekindled my childhood enthusiasm for seafood and relived many interesting memories of the past. Looking back, fighting with boys in the elementary school may have dissipated (消 失) like the early morning mist. After so many years of education and taming, I have been molded to at least look like a lady, dolling up (扮靓) in girlie dresses, wearing long hair, walking, posing and smiling like a lady. But deep down inside, that little sassy (野蛮) girl was still there, who has never left. Just like the seafood, unlike most of people who enjoy its original refreshing flavor, I can only enjoy it with all those pungent (辛辣的) ingredients. Now “sassy” just takes a new form from physical to verbal to mental - Sharp tongue has replaced sharp teeth. Cynicism and sarcasm has replaced pinching and biting. I may never be a real lady but I no longer had hard feelings about this. I am who I am. There was quite a hit Korean movie “My Sassy Girl ” (我的野蛮女友) a couple of years ago. After that movie, Sassy Girls suddenly become prevailing overnight. In hell, I have led the trend many years ahead of the time. 野蛮女在公司，装的挺贤淑不是 来张辣点的，好象辣过头了，黑乎乎的，屋里光线不好 lilac的花园, 春天真是到了，茶花, 玉兰都开了，金桔压枝
紫玉兰
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