We all know small talks are very important in the office. We can’t talk shop all day, which means that we can’t talk about work with our co-workers all day. We need to bond with our colleagues to build up a good rapport and a relationship with some light topics, which can help create a friendly working environment and smooth our work later on. But how to break ice and how to strike a casual conversation with a co-worker especially some one whom you are not very acquainted with or your boss is absolutely an art.
What to say and what not to say? It is a big question. In Indonesia, 3 typical questions one will be often asked even by a taxi driver are: how much do you earn? Are you married? And how many kids do you have? This is typical culture difference thing. In the Indonesian culture, who you are and what your social status is are defined by your earnings, marriage and number of children. This is so natural for them to ask these questions. They are not going subtle about these. However, an American will be shell shocked by these seemingly routine questions for Indonesians.
Beside salary, marriage, children, what else topics we have to caution about when we try to shoot breeze with American co-workers or our boss. Check out these two stories.
I have a friend who learned this the hard way. Once he was job-hunting, very hard in this economic meltdown. After blowing up a series of interviews, finally he almost aced one. Why I said almost is because it went on so unexpectedly well that he could even picture himself sitting in that sunny window cubicle pointed by the manager who interviewed him, then he closed this nearly perfect interview with an improvised causal question, which he thought would take some edge off this serious interview and kind of bond with his future boss to a personal level. He asked, “Congratulation! When is your due date?”
After 5 seconds of silence, from the extreme embarrassing expression on the face of that female manager, my friend finally got it. He signed, rose up to his feet and closed the office door behind him. Tonight, sleepless tonight would be another crazy round of resume submission. It was that close.
Such a lesson, especially for guys from China, please get this tattooed on your brain that not all American women are as slender as your fellow country girls. The brutal fact is that most of them here are “big boned” or “pregnant like”. So be careful, small talks on pregnancy – a big mine field for strangers.
Another story is about age, women’s age. All the people on earth know that asking a woman’s age is to ask for lightning strike. It seems it is so easy to avoid since it is a well-known rule but sometimes this can also been offended in an indirect way if you are not careful enough.
I used to work in a small company. Once in an afternoon coffee break, our director Linda, a 40-year-old woman was somehow in a good mood to have chitchat with me and another co-worker Jason. The reason I stress “a small company” is that in a big company big shots usually won’t stoop to small talk with peanuts like us. So Jason and I were all quite flattered. Especially Jason, who was a new comer, paid lots of compliments, falling over backwards to please the boss.
Although she was no longer young, Linda was always a well-dressed lady with delicate makeup. As female, I could clearly sense that she felt really good about her appearance.
Later on, she showed us some of her pictures that were taken on a large Christmas party with her family and friends. Jason suddenly pointed at one picture and said excitedly, “Is this your daughter? She is so lovely”. In the picture, Linda was sitting closely with a lady at the dinner table, very intimate, with an arm around that lady’s shoulder, like a family. You may assume whatever you want in your mind but you should never ever speak it out when it comes to women’s age or anywhere near that territory.
After 5 seconds silence (another 5 seconds silence ;)), “She is my college classmate, my best friend”, said Linda slowly. Even her delicate make-up couldn’t cover the livid expression below. I had to say.
This may be the worst suck up line in the history. You mistook a stranger as someone’s daughter. Offensive, awkward but it is still forgivable. We all make silly mistakes sometimes. But you mistook A– about the same age of B– as the daughter of B. Plus B and A are good friends (You know there is always hidden intense competition among women especially among best friends the whole lifetime about looks, career, hu*****and and kids). Plus B is your boss. Aren’t you telling your boss who is super-confident about her looks is way too old for her age or her classmate is an ageless legend? Either way it's death. And with that exciting tone, you sincerely rub all that crap in her face without even being aware of it. I don’t know what to say, even God can’t save you, Jason.
What to say and what not to say? It is a big question. In Indonesia, 3 typical questions one will be often asked even by a taxi driver are: how much do you earn? Are you married? And how many kids do you have? This is typical culture difference thing. In the Indonesian culture, who you are and what your social status is are defined by your earnings, marriage and number of children. This is so natural for them to ask these questions. They are not going subtle about these. However, an American will be shell shocked by these seemingly routine questions for Indonesians.
Beside salary, marriage, children, what else topics we have to caution about when we try to shoot breeze with American co-workers or our boss. Check out these two stories.
I have a friend who learned this the hard way. Once he was job-hunting, very hard in this economic meltdown. After blowing up a series of interviews, finally he almost aced one. Why I said almost is because it went on so unexpectedly well that he could even picture himself sitting in that sunny window cubicle pointed by the manager who interviewed him, then he closed this nearly perfect interview with an improvised causal question, which he thought would take some edge off this serious interview and kind of bond with his future boss to a personal level. He asked, “Congratulation! When is your due date?”
After 5 seconds of silence, from the extreme embarrassing expression on the face of that female manager, my friend finally got it. He signed, rose up to his feet and closed the office door behind him. Tonight, sleepless tonight would be another crazy round of resume submission. It was that close.
Such a lesson, especially for guys from China, please get this tattooed on your brain that not all American women are as slender as your fellow country girls. The brutal fact is that most of them here are “big boned” or “pregnant like”. So be careful, small talks on pregnancy – a big mine field for strangers.
Another story is about age, women’s age. All the people on earth know that asking a woman’s age is to ask for lightning strike. It seems it is so easy to avoid since it is a well-known rule but sometimes this can also been offended in an indirect way if you are not careful enough.
I used to work in a small company. Once in an afternoon coffee break, our director Linda, a 40-year-old woman was somehow in a good mood to have chitchat with me and another co-worker Jason. The reason I stress “a small company” is that in a big company big shots usually won’t stoop to small talk with peanuts like us. So Jason and I were all quite flattered. Especially Jason, who was a new comer, paid lots of compliments, falling over backwards to please the boss.
Although she was no longer young, Linda was always a well-dressed lady with delicate makeup. As female, I could clearly sense that she felt really good about her appearance.
Later on, she showed us some of her pictures that were taken on a large Christmas party with her family and friends. Jason suddenly pointed at one picture and said excitedly, “Is this your daughter? She is so lovely”. In the picture, Linda was sitting closely with a lady at the dinner table, very intimate, with an arm around that lady’s shoulder, like a family. You may assume whatever you want in your mind but you should never ever speak it out when it comes to women’s age or anywhere near that territory.
After 5 seconds silence (another 5 seconds silence ;)), “She is my college classmate, my best friend”, said Linda slowly. Even her delicate make-up couldn’t cover the livid expression below. I had to say.
This may be the worst suck up line in the history. You mistook a stranger as someone’s daughter. Offensive, awkward but it is still forgivable. We all make silly mistakes sometimes. But you mistook A– about the same age of B– as the daughter of B. Plus B and A are good friends (You know there is always hidden intense competition among women especially among best friends the whole lifetime about looks, career, hu*****and and kids). Plus B is your boss. Aren’t you telling your boss who is super-confident about her looks is way too old for her age or her classmate is an ageless legend? Either way it's death. And with that exciting tone, you sincerely rub all that crap in her face without even being aware of it. I don’t know what to say, even God can’t save you, Jason.
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