英语书籍：Listening Is An Act Of Love（The End）

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Nonfiction: Listening Is An Act Of Love
A Celebration of American Life
from the StoryCorps Project
Author: Dave Isay, Editor
Publisher: The Penguin Press
a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
ISBN: 9781594201400
LISTENING (Part 5 of 5)
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SULOCHANA KONUR, 53, interviewed by her daughter-in-law,
MELISSA KONUR, 31
RECORDED IN NEW YORK CITY

Sulochana Konur: I was a biology student in my first year of
college in India, and I was doing a dissection of a frog or some
such thing, and my father sent for me. When I went home, there were
lots of people around the house. My mom said I needed to wash my
face and change my clothes. I knew better than to argue, so I just
said, "Okay." And then I went into the room where my future mother-
in-law, my future sister-in-law, and their friends were. There were
about eight or nine ladies in the small room. And so I met with them
and they talked to me, and they asked me questions like "What do you
study in school?" They were simple questions.

Then the custom is that my mom makes some food, and I'm supposed to
take that to the men in the living room. That's when the future
hu*****and-to-be gets to see you. And so I did. I went and passed the
plate to everyone. There were seven or eight people, and my hu*****and,
and my hu*****and's friend was there. The rest of them were older, so I
knew one of the two had to be the groom-to-be, but I didn't know
which one. So I just sat down, and my father asked me some questions
and I answered.

After they left, I argued with my parents and I cried, and I said
that I want to go to college, I want to be a doctor, I don't want to
get married. And my father said, "They can always say no, so don't
worry. I had to do this because a friend of mine suggested it. This
was just a last-minute thing. The next time I won't agree to this."
And so I said, "Okay!"

I didn't even think about it the second day. But about a week later
my father got a letter saying that that family was interested. He
didn't tell me that, but I heard my dad talking to my mom. So they
went and visited the family, and they came back in the night, and I
was awake. I remember hearing my father say to my mother that it's a
good family. So I knew after that, that it was going to be the
marriage. There was nothing I could do.

I was fifteen and eight months when I got married. We just now
finished thirty-seven years together.

Melissa Konur: So how much longer did you stay in India before you
came to the United States?

Sulochana: Three years after marriage. We landed in Tucson, Arizona,
and I said, "There's so much space and no people!" That was my first
impression of the United States. And then we collected our baggage
and went to the car, and then the car was really tiny, so I said,
"Here the cars are only meant for two people, not for fifteen people
like India." And so I got in, and we started driving.

It was really, really wide roads--four lanes each way--beautiful,
beautiful roads and lit, and we were the only car because this was
like one o'clock in the middle of the night. So I said, "Why do they
build such big streets and have such tiny cars and nobody around?" I
think the shocking thing was that there were so many fewer people in
this country--until I come to Manhattan.

Melissa: What was your first impression when Sanjay first brought
me home? You can be honest. "(Laughter.)"

Sulochana: I didn't know how to feel. Confused, I would say. It
wasn't natural, let's put it that way. Because I came from an
arranged marriage. And even though I never thought that my children
would go with a completely arranged marriage, I had imagined picking
a girl for him and then introducing him to the girl--not him
introducing me to the girl. So that was like a reversal, switching
of the role.

Sanjay asked permission to bring you home, and we didn't know what
we were supposed to do, because this is culturally different for us.
But, you remember, we came to the airport, and you both walked off
the airplane. In those days we could go up to the gate in the
airport, so we were at the gate. And Sanjay--I felt Sanjay was more
uncomfortable than I was. He said, "Mom, this is Melissa. Melissa,
this is Mom and Dad." And so I remember giving you a hug and
bringing you home. And since you were so talkative, it was easy. You
were yourself, and hopefully I was myself, and so it didn't take us
too long to like you.

I got into a marriage without knowing the person, but yet was
committed to spend the rest of my life with the person. You both are
good people, and we would like to see you both make this marriage
work. But I don't think it's going to be different for you than it
was for me, even though you have known Sanjay and this is your
choice. If anything, it will be more difficult for you, because you
have gone across the culture. There is no commonality other than the
humanity.

Rather than look for what you have in common, you have to grow
together. The only reason that marriages work is because you are
friends and are respecting of each other.

October 1, 2005

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Hardcover: Today's read ends on page 31.

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• 回复：英语书籍：Listening Is An Act Of Love（The End） -任我为- ♂ (261 bytes) () 04/24/2009 postreply 18:33:46

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