(It was published previously in Wenxuecity).
A short extract from "the event" (L’événement[0] ) by Annie Ernaux[1], translated from French by xia23
On the back cover:
For years, I have always focused on this event of my life. Reading the story on abortion in a novel plunges me in shock without images or thoughts, just like words instantly changed into a violent sensation. In the same way, hearing La javanaise[2], J'ai la memoire qui flanche[3] by chance, any song which has accompanied me during this period, distresses me.
The extract:
I came down to Barbès[4]. Just as the last time, people were waiting, grouped together on the foot of the elevated railroad. People walked on the pavement with pink bags from Tati[5]. I took Magenta boulevard[6], recognized the store Billy with anoraks hanging up outside. A woman arrived in front of me, she wore a pair of black stockings with large motifs on her strong legs. Ambroise-Paré street[7] was almost deserted up to the surrounding area of the hospital. I followed the long curved corridor of Elisa hospital wing. First I did not observe a kiosk with music in the court which goes along the glazed corridor. I wondered how I would see all of these after a restart again. I pushed door 15 and went to the second floor. At the screening service desk, I handed in the card with my phone number there. The woman rummaged a file and took out a brown paper folder containing with some papers. I stretched my hand out but she would not give it to me. She put it down on the desk and asked me to sit down so someone could call me.
The waiting room is separated into two adjoining boxes. I chose the one which was closer to doctor’s office door, the one with a larger space too. I started to correct the copies I took with me. Just behind me a quite young girl with long blond hair was handing out her number. I had verified that receptionist would not give the folder to her and she should also be called. Other people sat far from each other and waited there: a man in his 30s dressed in fashion and was slightly bald headed; a young black man with a Walkman; a man in his 50s, his face had a line-scar, his head sagged in his seat. Behind the blond girl, the fourth man arrived, he sat with determination, took out a book from his briefcase. Then a couple: she was on shorts with pregnancy, he worn a suit with a tie.
On the table, there was no newspaper, only leaflets on the necessity of eating dairy products and “how to live with HIV positive”. The woman of the couple talked to her companion, stood, wrapped him around with her arms, caressing him. He remained silent, motionless, his hands rested on his umbrella. The blond girl kept her eyes lowered, almost closed, her leather jacket was folded on her knees. She appeared petrified. Near her feet there was a large travel bag with a small one attached to its back. I asked myself if she had more reasons to fear than those of the others. She went perhaps to search for her result before leaving for a weekend, or returned to her parents’ home in the provinces. The doctor came out from her office, a slim, exuberant young woman, with a rosy skirt and black stocking. She called a number. There was no one moving. It was someone from the other box, a boy who had passed quickly, I only saw the glasses and a ponytail.
The young black man has been called and then the men from the other box. Nobody talked or moved, except the woman of the couple. People opened their eyes fully only when the doctor appeared at her office door or someone came out. People followed him and watched him.
The telephone rang several times, for appointments or schedules. Once, the receptionist lady went to find a biologist for answering a female caller. He said, and then repeated that “no, she is mostly normal, quite normal”. This echoed in silence. The person on the other end was surely HIV positive.
I had finished correcting my copies. I saw the same scene continuously again and again, blurred, of one Saturday and of one Sunday of July, the movement of love, ejaculation. This was the reason of such a scene, forgot for many months, that I found myself here. Intertwinement and gesticulation of the naked bodies, it appeared like a dance of death. It seemed to me that this man who I had accepted to meet again with weariness only had come from Italy to give me AIDS. Though I did not come to establish a connection among these: the gestures, the warmth of the skin, the sperms and the fact of being here. I had thought that he would never have any connection between sex and other things.
The doctor called my number. Before my number I saw the interior of the office, she had smiled at me broadly. I took this as a good sign. When the door closed, she said very quickly, “it’s negative”. I burst into laughter. Whatever she talked to me in the discussion held no interest for me. She was joyful and looked like an accomplice of mine.
I took the escalator down very quickly, retook the route in opposite direction without watching anything. I said to myself that I was saved again. I would have liked to know if the blond girl was saved too. At Barbès station, it was crowded, people faced each other on the platforms, with this and that pink marks of their Tati bags.
I had taken account that I had lived the moment in Lariboisière[8] of the same way which I was waiting for doctor N. in 1963, in the same horror and the same incredulity. My life was set between Ogino method[9] and the condom in one franc in the distributers. That is a good way to measure it, even safer than others.
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[0]. p. 11-16. Annie Ernaux. L’événement. Gallimard. 2000
[1]. Annie Thérèse Blanche Ernaux (née Duchesne; born 1 September 1940) is a French writer who was awarded the 2022 Nobel Prize in Literature "for the courage and clinical acuity with which she uncovers the roots, estrangements and collective restraints of personal memory". Her literary work, mostly autobiographical, maintains close links with sociology. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annie_Ernaux
[2]. La Javanaise
La javanaise,
Gibberish
"La Javanaise" is a song written and composed by Serge Gainsbourg originally for Juliette Gréco, and interpreted by both her and Serge Gainsbourg in 1963. The first recordings of both artists constituted the B-sides of each of the two 45s.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Javanaise
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6gjzNm6dA0
Song by Serge Gainsbourg
I admit I didn't drool over you
J'avoue j'en ai bavé pas vous
My love
Mon amour
Before I heard of you
Avant d'avoir eu vent de vous
My love
Mon amour
Don't mind
Ne vous déplaise
By dancing the Javanese
En dansant la Javanaise
We love each other
Nous nous aimions
The time of a
Le temps d'une
Song
Chanson
What do you think we saw
À votre avis qu'avons-nous vu
Of love?
De l'amour?
From you to me you got me
De vous à moi vous m'avez eu
My love
Mon amour
Don't mind
Ne vous déplaise
By dancing the Javanese
En dansant la Javanaise
We love each other
Nous nous aimions
The time of a
Le temps d'une
Song
Chanson
Alas April in vain dooms me
Hélas avril en vain me voue
To love
À l'amour
I wanted to see in you
J'avais envie de voir en vous
This love
Cet amour
Don't mind
Ne vous déplaise
By dancing the Javanese
En dansant la Javanaise
We love each other
Nous nous aimions
The time of a
Le temps d'une
Song
Chanson
Life is not worth living
La vie ne vaut d'être vécue
Without love
Sans amour
But you wanted it
Mais c'est vous qui l'avez voulu
My love
Mon amour
Don't mind
Ne vous déplaise
By dancing the Javanese
En dansant la Javanaise
We love each other
Nous nous aimions
The time of a
Le temps d'une
Song
Chanson
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Serge Gainsbourg
La Javanaise lyrics © Reservoir Media Management Inc, Warner Chappell Music France
[3]. J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
J'ai la memoire qui flanche
I have memory to give in
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6uU2czYbOM
Song by Jeanne Moreau
Lyrics
I have a failing memory
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
I don't remember very well
J'me souviens plus très bien
As he was very musical
Comme il était très musicien
He played a lot of hands
Il jouait beaucoup des mains
Everything between us started
Tout entre nous a commencé
With a very long kiss
Par un très long baiser
On the bluish vein of the wrist
Sur la veine bleutée du poignet
A long endless kiss
Un long baiser sans fin
I have a failing memory
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
I don't remember very well
J'me souviens plus très bien
What could be his first name
Quel pouvait être son prénom
And what was his name
Et quel était son nom
He was called, I called him
Il s'appelait, je l'appelais
What was it called?
Comment l'appelait-t'on?
Yet it's crazy how much I loved
Pourtant ç'est fou ce que j'aimais
Call him by his name
L'appeler par son nom
I have a failing memory
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
I don't remember very well
J'me souviens plus très bien
What color were his eyes?
De quel couleur étaient ses yeux?
I don't think they were blue
J'crois pas qu'ils étaient bleus
Were they green, were they gray?
Étaient-ils verts, étaient-ils gris?
Were they verdigris?
Étaient-ils vert de gris?
Or did they change color all the time
Ou changeaient-ils tout le temps de couleur
For a no for a yes?
Pour un non pour un oui?
I have a failing memory
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
I don't remember very well
J'me souviens plus très bien
Did he live in this old hotel
Habitait-il ce vieil hôtel
Filled with musicians
Bourré de musiciens
While he me, while I
Pendant qu'il me, pendant que je
While we were partying
Pendant qu'on faisait la fête
All these saxes, these clarinets
Tous ces saxos, ces clarinettes
that turned my head
Qui me tournaient la tête
I have a failing memory
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
I don't remember very well
J'me souviens plus très bien
Which of us got tired
Lequel de nous deux s'est lassé
On the other the first?
De l'autre le premier?
Was it me?
Était-ce moi?
Was it him?
Était-ce lui?
Was it me or him?
Était-ce donc moi ou lui?
All I know is since
Tout ce que je sais c'est que depuis
I don't know who I am anymore
Je n'sais plus qui je suis
I have a failing memory
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche
I don't remember very well
J'me souviens plus très bien
So after all those sleepless nights
Voilà qu'après toutes ces nuits blanches
I have nothing left
Il me reste plus rien
Just a little tune he was whistling
Rien qu'un p'tit air qu'il sifflotait
Every day while shaving
Chaque jour en se rasant
Pa dou dou di dou da dou di
Pa dou dou di dou da dou di
Dou dou di dou di dou, ah
Dou dou di dou di dou, ah
Padoubidoubidoubaba, baboubiboubibouda
Padoubidoubidoubaba, baboubiboubibouda
Pabadabadoubabibouba, parapadabibouba
Pabadabadoubabibouba, parapadabibouba
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Serge Rezvani
J'ai la mémoire qui flanche lyrics © Editions Musicales Tutti Intersong Sarl
[4]. Barbès
Walk in Paris : The crowd of Barbès and of the subway
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hapNKD0Gw00
[5]. Tahi
Tati is a discount department store in Paris France. It is huge with multiple floors for clothing, housewares, knickknacks, shoes..everything!
https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g187147-d545888-Reviews-Tati-Paris_Ile_de_France.html
[6]. The boulevard de Magenta
The boulevard de Magenta is located in the Ninth and Tenth arrondissements of Paris, France.
It begins at place de la République and 1, rue Beaurepaire, and ends at 1, boulevard de Rochechouart and 53, boulevard de la Chapelle.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boulevard_de_Magenta
[7]. La rue Ambroise-Paré
[8]. Lariboisière, see map in [7], just little bit of northeast of La rue Ambroise-Paré.
Lariboisière Hospital (French: Hôpital Lariboisière) is a hospital in the 10th arrondissement of Paris, France.
The hospital was one of several built following the second cholera pandemic, which had reached Paris in 1832, and which led to a new emphasis on hygienic practices in hospitals. It was built from 1846 to 1853 under architect Pierre Gauthier, with six buildings arranged around a central courtyard, connected by colonnaded walkways. The grounds include the funeral monument, by Carlo Marochetti, of Élisa de Lariboisière [fr], who donated a large portion of the funds for the hospital's construction.
It is a teaching hospital of Université Paris Cité.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lariboisi%C3%A8re_Hospital
[9]. Ogino method
Calendar-based methods are various methods of estimating a woman's likelihood of fertility, based on a record of the length of previous menstrual cycles. Various methods are known as the Knaus–Ogino method and the rhythm method.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calendar-based_contraceptive_methods
Thank you very much for reading.
