这是昨夜读了济慈的蚱蜢诗后写的，附贴两位翻译教授和英语社区网友点评：

以下是廖康老师点评： “不严格要求抑扬格的话，写得相当不错，很流畅。如果真想改进，则需在转折上下功夫。好的十四行诗都有意思上的变化（比如开始说好，后来说坏，反之亦然。我认为这比抑扬格更重要），连写了很多十四行诗的冯志都没有做到。”

廖康博士

（加州蒙特瑞国际研究学院翻译研究生院教授）

http://baike.baidu.com/subview/2648908/10768883.htm

 

Yuanxiang老师点评：

“ 建议慢点来  - yuanxiang -  ♂ 给 yuanxiang 发送悄悄话  yuanxiang 的博客首页  yuanxiang 的个人群组   (23 bytes) (7 reads) 08/03/2016  07:20:48  (1)  

• 多谢元老师指正！ 夏安！～  - 小贝壳weed -  ♀ 给 小贝壳weed 发送悄悄话  小贝壳weed 的个人群组   (0 bytes) (2 reads) 08/03/2016  10:23:27   

• 我觉得总体还是很好的。中英双语都这么好，不容易。  - yuanxiang -  ♂ 给 yuanxiang 发送悄悄话  yuanxiang 的博客首页  yuanxiang 的个人群组   (0 bytes) (0 reads) 08/03/2016  10:28:37 ”

英语社区网友点评：

“usually not the biggest fan of rhyming poetry but this feels better than most... not super forced (only forced rhyme for me was "complain/train", being the first line it did stand out a bit)

also i think chickadees may have had their time in the poetic limelight... i understand if in your mind the birds are literally chickadees but if any songbird would do theres so many to pick from with names just as fun. sorry i know its a weird critique, just something that came to my mind.

i feel this really creates a nice pastoral scene to live in, builds a picture of lower alabama for me, brought me right to being a kid escaping the heat to go to the coast.

writing happy poetry seems difficult and i liked this one, so bravo 　”　

 

"A delightful poem - but oh how I wish it was only 20° Celsius here. That would be my idea of comfort and bliss.

I really did enjoy your poem though, even though I was jealous of the cool temperature! "

http://www.writingforums.com/threads/167355-I-Love-You-Summer!?p=2022949#post2022949