1 改变航向
A ship’s captain is out to sea and observes what appear to be lights from another ship. He orders his first mate to signal a message to the oncoming ship that says, “Change you course 10 degrees south.” Within seconds they receive a reply that reads, “Change your course 10 degrees north.” The captain is annoys that his order has been disregarded, and he barks, “I am a captain. Change you course 10 degrees south.” Another message comes in: “I am a seaman first class, and I say change your course10 degrees north.” Infuriated by the obvious lack of respect for his superior rank, the captain signals back, “Darn it, man. I say change your course 10 degrees south. I’m on a battleship.” The seaman responds, “I say change your course 10 degrees north. I’m in a lighthouse.”
2 十分严肃!
The day before my graduation from a high school in St. Louis, the principal called an assembly. He wanted to say farewell informally, he explained, as he reviewed our years together. There was hardly a dry eye among us as he concluded, "We will remember you, and hope you will remember us; more importantly, we want all of you to meet in this very auditorium 25 years from today.”
There was a moment of silence, then a thin voice piped up, "What time?"
3 您的大衣着火了
The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important.
The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: “Ninety-eight, ninety –nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!”
4 余音
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas, I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away, the phone rang, and I answered it, expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know," the operator said, "that just after you hung up, the woman said, ‘I love you. ‘"
5 好消息和坏消息
A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man asks for the good news first:
"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live,” says the doctor.
The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
"I couldn’t reach you on the phone yesterday.”
6 每个人都这样吗？
Lifeguard: "I’ve been watching you sir, and you’11 have to stop urinating in the pool.”
Man: "But everybody urinates in the pool.”
Lifeguard: "From the diving board?”
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