周末一笑: Flowers

来源: 南山松于 2015-01-24 05:44:54 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：次 (9021 bytes)

1 花 Flowers

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Place." The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I am really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location!' "

2 实验室检查 Laboratory Tests

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.

2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child:I came here for blood test.

2nd Child: So？Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I have come for my urine test!

3 烹饪课 Cooking Class

One day during cooking class, our teacher, Mrs. Brown was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Brown to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?"I asked. "Because," she replied, "If I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots,I will go nuts!"

4 都在这一家 All in the family

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good mostly. A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom, "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault, she talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the bad habit." Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back, "Please let me know if your idea work on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

5 拜访医师 The visit to the doctor

A Man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"

"No," he replied, "I have never done either."

"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with woman?" inquired the doctor.

"No, I have never done any of those things either."

"Well then," said the doctor," what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

6 联邦调查局的案件 A case for the FBI

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this FBI?"

"Yes, what do you want?"

"I am calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

"This will be noted." Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house.