很好！智慧！我来让你的shine物归原主，永远闪烁。

We Real Cool

The Law Students      
Seventeen at the Sunny Lounge
The Day before the Commencement

We real cool. We
Love school. We

Learn law. We
See saw. We
 
Sing spin. We 
Think win. We

Jump June. We
Shine soon.
(改成：Shine soon. We)
 
理由：

Gwendolyn Brooks的原诗除最后一句外每一句都以“We”结尾，既增加了原诗的音乐性，又吻合了原诗的主题思想。这些孩子，穷极年华，一味玩乐，最后会早早夭折。Gwendolyn Brooks让每一句都带有一个“We", 而最后一句突然没有了这个“We"的 含义是他们夭折了。而你模仿的诗的最后一句则是相反的意思，是早日发光。带上这个“We”既有音乐性，又跟你的主题思想相吻合。

Gwendolyn Brooks的原诗

We Real Cool

The Pool Players.
Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.


 

所有跟帖： 

• 开个玩笑，不必当真! -聚曦亭- ♀ (0 bytes) () 06/24/2014 postreply 08:26:27

• I like your thought. It is an interesting -justlook- ♂ (129 bytes) () 06/24/2014 postreply 20:10:13