英语部分来自网络：
1) A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now. Load—a bunch of (。。。当我死的时候吗？ 当然愿意上天堂了。我以为你现在就领一帮人上去呢。) 酒多伤身
2) I weighed myself today and have come to the conclusion, I gotta buy some lighter underwear. （ 称体重时候的一个重要环节就是---一定要把自己脱得赤果果，这样才见效）
3） HMMMM, laundry tonight or naked tomorrow （那么懒，没衣服穿就最好别出来吓人）
4） To all my friends and relatives who have sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel ‘letters or other promises of good luck.
NONE OF THOSE WORKED.
Could you please just sent cash, vodka, chocolate, Italian food, wine, or airline tickets instead? Thank you! （的确如此。yao情书还是支票？）
5） Some people have “muffin tops”, some people have the whole damn bakery, PLEASE dress accordingly!!! Thanks（能穿bikini tops 谁要穿马粪 tops？）
