1 葬礼何时举行? What Time Is The Funeral?
My son, a teaching assistant at the University of Kansas in Lawrence, had an important appointment after class one day. He put on a white shirt, a tie and a conservative dark suit. As he was leaving his apartment, he noticed his mouse trap had a victim. Holding the trap carefully out in front of him, he walked to the dump. A professor happened by, took in the situation and asked, "What time is the funeral?”
2 室友都有点怪 Roommates Are A Bit Strange
There was a university boy who left home and moved into the dorm. After a few weeks his parents phoned to find out how he was. "What are your roommates like?” his mother asked.
"They are a bit strange, actually,” he told his mum, "On one side there is a man who keeps banging his head against the wall, and on the other side there is another man who just cries and moans.”
"I would keep to myself if I were you, "advised his mother.
"Oh, I do,” the son replied. “I just stay in my room all day and play my bagpipes.”
3 我以为你在叫下一个学生 I Thought You Called the Next Student
A teacher was asking a student a lot of questions, but the student could not answer any of them. The teacher then decided to ask him some very easy questions so that he could get a few right. "What was Bunker Hill” she said.
The student thought for some time and then answered, "An airport?”
“No, it was a battle.” the teacher said. She was getting a little angry now, but she was trying not to show it. Then she asked, "Who was the first President of the United States?”
The student thought for a long time, but did not say anything. Then the teacher got very angry and shouted. "George Washington!” The student got up and began to walk towards his seat.
"Come back,” the teacher said, “I did not tell you to go.”
"Oh, I am sorry.” the student said, “I thought you called the next student.”
4 海伦的眼镜 Helen’s Glasses
Helen’s eyes was not very good, so she usually wore glasses. But when she was seventeen and she began to go out with a young man, she never wore her glasses when she was with him. When he came to the door to take her out, she took her glasses off, and when she came home again and he left, she put them on.
One day her mother said to her, “But Helen, why do you never wear your glasses when you are with Jim? He takes you to beautiful places in his car, but you do not see anything.”
"Well, Mother,” said Helen, “I look prettier to Jim when I am not wearing glasses and he looks better to me too!”
5 教室里太吵了 Too Much Noise in Class
It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.
"Now,” he said, "are there any question?”
One girl stood up timidly, “Please sir,” she asked, “May we have our teacher back?"
6 你会怎么办? What would you do?
Son： Mum, if someone broke your best vase what would you do?
Mum： I'd spank him and send him to bed without any supper!
Son： Well, you’d better get the slipper. Dad's just broken it!
(from internet)
