教儿子学古诗，绞尽脑汁，如何翻译这首词？

儿子学中文，有一篇关于岳飞小时家境贫寒买不起纸笔而用沙盘练字的故事。儿子问我知不知道中国古代百战百胜的将军。我说当然知道，难道你不记得我和你四年前到过“岳王庙”吗？我翻出了几年前我俩在岳飞铜像前拍的照片。岳飞威风凛凛地站在大厅中央，背后是他流转千古的诗篇《满江红 - 写怀》。岳王庙中的《满江红》是草书，不宜读懂。

为了让儿子更深刻地理解岳飞，我和女儿一起把《满江红》翻成了英文。虽然参照了一些已有的译文（http://www.crazyenglish.org/zhuantiyingyu/duanyujiangjie/20081014/24046.html），但有许多地方不满意。请各位大虾指正。

 

nù fā chōng guān，

怒发冲冠,

My raging hair pushes off my helmet,

píng lán chù, xiāo xiāo yǔ xiē

凭栏处、潇潇雨歇。

Grasping the fence, pounding thunderstorm has ceased.

Tái wàng yǎn

抬望眼，

Lift my gaze and look to the frontier,

yǎng tiān cháng xiào

仰天长啸，

And I roar towards the sky,

Zhuàng huái jīliè

壮怀激烈。 

Great ambitions boil inside my chest.

sān shígōng míng chén yǔ tǔ

三十功名尘与土,

Time flies, thirty years’ achievements and glory are already dust and soil;

bā qiān lǐ lù yún hé yuè

八千里路云和月。

Defending my country, I have marched eight thousand li with clouds and moon.

mò děng xián

莫等闲、 

Do not idle away your days,

Bái le shào nián tóu

白了少年头，

By the time a young man’s hair turns white,

kōng bēi qiè

空悲切。

Regret would have come too late.

 

Jìng kāng chǐ

靖康耻,

The nation’s shame in the year of Jing Kang,

Yóu wèi xuě

犹未雪。

Is yet to be wiped away.

Chén zǐhèn

臣子恨，

The hate towards the enemy as a minister and citizen,

hé shímiè

何时灭。

When can it end?

jià cháng jè quē

驾长车,

Let us drive our chariots,

tà pò hè lán shān

踏破贺兰山缺。

To crash the He-Lan mountain pass.

zhuàng zhìjīcān hú lǔ ròu

壮志饥餐胡虏肉，

Fighting with enormous will, we feast on invaders’ flesh when hungry;

Xiào tán kě yǐxiōng nú xiě

笑谈渴饮匈奴血。

Laughing and chatting, we quench with Xiongnu’s blood when thirsty.

dài cóng tóu

待从头、

Let us start and wait for the day

shōu shi jiù shān hé

收拾旧山河，

To take back all our lost land and rivers,

cháo tiān què

朝天阙。

And report our final victory to the Heavenly Palace.

所有跟帖： 

• 父子情深！可敬可佩！：如何翻译这首词？ -一语湖边_lakeshore- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/05/2009 postreply 10:47:23

• 回复：一首刚烈英豪的诗！诚难！ -一语湖边_lakeshore- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/05/2009 postreply 10:50:24

• 中式英文。用詞不當。 -海外逸士- ♂ (0 bytes) () 03/07/2009 postreply 08:04:52