很有意思，我来猜一下这个老外为什么要这样改。
你的译文：
The marching crowd somehow slowed down. I saw a long beard Santa Claus in his red suit and red hat with white fuzz. He waved to the crowd while handing over coupons to them.
这个老美的英文：
The crowd seemed to part and slow just enough to see a Santa Claus with a long white beard. He had a beautiful red suit and really looked the part. He waved to the shoppers while handing out coupons.
先来看看你的译文有什么他/她觉得不对的地方：
1. 在他/她看来，marching crowd搭配不对。crowd一般是在原地的，如果很多人marching， 那就是parade或者procession。再者，既然你是在人群 march后看到圣诞老人的，那人群起初一定是挡住了你对圣诞老人的视线。所以他/她说：The crowd seemed to part and slow（人群慢慢地分开了）。慢慢分开后，你就可以看到圣诞老人了。
2. 他认为对于圣诞老人的胡子来说，white 跟 long一样重要， 但把long 和white 放一起，定语太长，所以要后置，说成：a Santa Claus with a long white beard
4. 两个red有点累赘，所以他/她说He had a beautiful red suit。
5. 他完全不能理解什么是with white fuzz，所以就用了一个看似合理的说法：really looked the part。
6. He waved to the crowd这一节他更不理解了，为什么要向游行队伍发coupon呢？所以他/她说He waved to the shoppers while handing out coupons。
很忙，随便说两句。
你的译文：
The marching crowd somehow slowed down. I saw a long beard Santa Claus in his red suit and red hat with white fuzz. He waved to the crowd while handing over coupons to them.
这个老美的英文：
The crowd seemed to part and slow just enough to see a Santa Claus with a long white beard. He had a beautiful red suit and really looked the part. He waved to the shoppers while handing out coupons.
先来看看你的译文有什么他/她觉得不对的地方：
1. 在他/她看来，marching crowd搭配不对。crowd一般是在原地的，如果很多人marching， 那就是parade或者procession。再者，既然你是在人群 march后看到圣诞老人的，那人群起初一定是挡住了你对圣诞老人的视线。所以他/她说：The crowd seemed to part and slow（人群慢慢地分开了）。慢慢分开后，你就可以看到圣诞老人了。
2. 他认为对于圣诞老人的胡子来说，white 跟 long一样重要， 但把long 和white 放一起，定语太长，所以要后置，说成：a Santa Claus with a long white beard
4. 两个red有点累赘，所以他/她说He had a beautiful red suit。
5. 他完全不能理解什么是with white fuzz，所以就用了一个看似合理的说法：really looked the part。
6. He waved to the crowd这一节他更不理解了，为什么要向游行队伍发coupon呢？所以他/她说He waved to the shoppers while handing out coupons。
很忙，随便说两句。
选择“Disable on www.wenxuecity.com”
选择“don't run on pages on this domain”
