When We Were Young
This is the prom season. Saturdays in May are the days that belong to high school seniors.
My son had his prom last weekend. He is used to dressing up for big and significant events. But this time it was different. The attire for the whole body was rented, even socks were provided. The shoes are the kind of really shiny ones. The socks, pants, and jacket are pure black. The blue tie and vest matched the color of the dress of his date. Previously they went to a store together and selected the color.
His face beamed with delight. He is not a boy who likes to flaunt. But on that day he couldn’t hide his excitement from me and my wife. We helped him put on his cloth. I even noticed a small wrinkle on his jacket and ironed it. We were in a very joyous mood.
We sent him to one of his classmates’ house, where they all gathered to wait for a bus they hired to send them to the big hotel for the evening party. There we saw his date, a young beauty dressed in the blue dress that matches the color of his vest and tie. I took photos of her putting on the flower on his lapel and he put on the flower on her wrist. Smiling faces were everywhere in the backyard of the big house.
I saw them and I felt really happy for them. With regard to American culture, there are many things I like and there are many things I don’t like. Having a big party for high school graduates is something I’ve never given too much thought until that day or that particular moment. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. Graduating from high school is a big event, why not celebrate it? And if we should celebrate this momentous event, why not celebrate it in fashion and style?
These are all young adults and after this big party, they’ll have to enter the complex world of the adult world. Most of them will go to college. All of them will have to think about living independently from now on. Although most of them will still need financial and other support from their parents, they truly will be treated as adults from now on.
So indeed it’s a big moment and should be celebrated.
They are also mature, perhaps more physically than mentally. Masculinity and femininity were in full display in their spruce dress, well groomed hair, and smartly adorned flower and other bright colored accessories.
I don’t remember what we did when I graduated from high school in China many years ago. We perhaps celebrated in some way but there was nothing in particularly I could remember. On the contrary, American teens have a lot to remember on this particular day. In fact I’ve heard on many occasions American adults talked about their proms.
What were they thinking? They all smiled to each other. Before going out of the door, my son was never so conscious about his appearance. He used hair gel but when he saw his date and his classmates, he was still combing his hair. He took my advice and had a mouthful of Listerine. My wife sprayed some perfume on his jacket, he protested but he didn’t completely reject. He was certainly aware of the importance and significance of this event. Maybe from now on he started to realize that they are now young men and young women. They are not kids anymore.
So it’s important and significant and should be celebrated.
American girls exhibit femininity earlier than Chinese girls. What are the boys thinking when they see those girls in high heel shoes, their bodies exuding pleasant perfumes, dressed in bright and revealing gowns, dancing with them? They’ve certainly seen girls and women dressed like this before. They are familiar with them, these are their classmates, but still, when boys see all the girls all of a sudden become so beautiful, what would they be thinking?
One thing for certain is that they all seem to behave more gentlemanly. I’ve never been a prom so I don’t know what’s going on in the conference room of the hotel. But I’m sure they also dined in good manner, as evidenced by the spotless cloth they brought back on the next day. They didn’t spill liquid or food on their cloth. They didn’t fool around to cause some embarrassment in front of others.
It’s a chance for them to grow up to be more aware of being male or female in future interactions. So they should celebrate and be ready to grow into their new roles in society.
I suddenly felt pity for myself (strangely as well as for my wife). Aside from having not much memory about our high school graduation, I felt a loss of a chance to grow up with my unsuppressed natural desire fully exploited. We were young and were curious to the opposite sex. But we didn’t talk. We didn’t even dare to look at each other. Girls remain mysterious for a long time to me. I believe all of the boys growing up had the same kind of experience. We avoided girls and we didn’t get the chance to learn how to work with women. We didn’t know how to treat them, we didn’t know what girls liked and what they wanted. Anyone would be scolded or jeered at if he attempted to show any kindness to a girl. It was almost a sinful thing to get close to a girl.
The culture killed innocence and fostered alienation.
In college we overcame the psychological barrier and started talking to each other. But the process was tentative and slow. Precocious classmates were able to adapt quickly. I didn’t know what other classmates of mine were doing until my own sexuality could not be suppressed anymore. Years later I realized that when I was asked by a girl to send a note to a boy, I was either doing them a favor or broke a heart. I hope I did them favor but I later thought someone got his heart broken. For I peeked at the note and saw on it written something about a girl not wanting to enter a relationship. There was no names on it and I didn’t know who got hurt. At the time I never thought much about it and I cheerfully passed the note to the hapless fellow. It was just like so many other things. I went about my other business (homework, tests, etc.) as usual. Until years later one day this moment came into my mind did I realize what was going on.
Was the culture to blame?
Prom is a big business now. I think some stores survive on the Saturdays in May. We didn’t spend much. Renting the tux cost about $200. Bus cost certain amount, flowers, and may be other miscellaneous things that I didn’t bother to think about cost additional dollars. The total shouldn’t exceed $400. This is below national average. Boys don’t cost a lot of money because their suits don’t vary much. They must all be in pure black. Girls cost a lot more. Their dresses cannot be rented, so most of them buy the dress. An on this single item they can really splurge. I’ve seen in the news that some parents spent nearly $15,000 for a prom dress and some spent over $20,000 for the whole event, including dress, party, transportation (almost certainly a limo). That’s the kind of money for a decent wedding ceremony.
Yet I can appreciate the enthusiasm for some parents to indulge so much on their sons and daughters. They probably have good memories about their own proms. If you think through this, people can have the chance for more than one wedding, but they can have only one prom. Being 18 is a onetime event and at your 19th birthday, you can never be 18 again.
So it’s a once a life time event and should be celebrated. Big or small, as long as it’s decent and memorable, the parents and kids should enjoy it.
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