My son’s due date was Thanksgiving Day last year. But “thanks” to my previous C-section, I had to have a repeat C and he came to the world one week before last thanksgiving. Between last thanksgiving and now is the first year that we have had two kids in the house. Looking back, I guess it hasn’t been an easy one, the main themes of which are were kids and English.
Before my son’s birth, I thought as experienced parents, we were better prepared. But we met new problems. First off was my daughter’s jealousy towards this little baby that she, at first, was very excited about but later got upset at. She realized that this baby was not going back to the hospital anytime soon; In fact, he was not going anywhere; He was going to stay here just as long as she was. What’s worse, he seemed to be closer to Mommy and Daddy, esp. when Mommy was breastfeeding him. Her reaction was to rebel against and be mean to both Mommy and the baby. At one point, I was really having the blues when she bit me on the neck. I was like, where is my sweet little girl? Later, she gradually got over the jealous phase. As my baby son has grown bigger (into a 26+lbs 11-month-old now) and more interactive, they are getting along better and playing together.
In the midst of the chaos, I decided to work on my accent and came to MYSJ. I got so into the drilling that I was practicing like there were no tomorrow. The accent reduction led me to translation, then reading and writing which I hadn’t done in a serious way for more than five years. I had never been good at multitasking. Soon, my office became cluttered; my kitchen looked desserted; my kids received less rapt attention. My son once fell off the bed while I was reading a novel. There are so many books that I want to read, but so little time belongs to me. Last week, I was shocked and felt guilty at the same time when I heard myself telling a co-worker, I wish I could go back to the pre-baby era.
This past weekend, depression hit me. It might be the weather, the rain, the novel I was reading, or my tiredness, or the PMS. Whatever the reason was, I just felt down, down, down. On the way to the mall, I was mad at my daughter for spilling my coffee, later, over the smart cart that double charged us. Walking in the Apple store didn't even cheer me up. I wanted to go back to the life without kids so that I could have all the time to myself. At the same time, I knew that my life back then wasn't perfect either. Ironically, I was eager to get pregnant at that time. Later on Sunday, my hubby and I decided each of us would have 2-3 hours of "me" time. I went to the library and read a little bit. Walking between the aisles of books, I just couldn't lighten up until I thought of this Indian proverb I heard last Thursday at Toastmasters:
I didn’t have shoes and complained, until I saw a man without feet...
Finally, I felt at ease;
Finally，I felt at peace;
Finally, I felt the true meaning of thanksgiving: be thankful for what you have.
