I'd like to say something about body language too.
Body language is way more important than what you may think about. It is interesting to note that we communicate in three codes - Verbal: the actual words we use; Vocal: the sound of what we say, including volume, pitch, speed and rhythm; Visual: gestures, facial expression, eye contact and body posture. Believe it or not, according to the research, only very small faction of the spoken (maybe 10-20%) message is conveyed by verbal code. Most of our spoken message is carried by non-verbal aspects.
Maybe that is a little bit of exaggerating. However, just thinking about the phone conversation, you may often find it is much harder to understand the other party or to be understood due to the cutting off part of non-verbal code. When you talk to someone face to face, sometimes, he/she will get what you are trying to say and your attitudes even before you finish your sentence by picking up cues from your facial expression: like frown or body gesture: like shrug.
In my opinion, eye contact may be the most important aspect of body language when it comes to conversation. If I am talking to someone, he/she is kind of looking around, checking out other stuff. That would be a big turn-off for me. I would even loose my interest to continue the conversation with him/her because I don’t feel I have been paid attention to. But on the other hand, it is also a bad practice to go overboard. It will be very uneasy to be stared all the time during the conversation. That will be like a suspect being interrogated by a policeman. We need to break eye contact from time to time when necessary.
Another good conversation tip is to do backchanneling, which means as a good listener, you can always give reinforcement comments to encourage the speaker to continue the conversation. That is to say that you can nod along with ““uh-huh” and “right” even if you are actually absent-minded when your boss is talking to you. However, you got to be very careful. You will be so busted if got caught.
For me, the more back-channeling I get, the more likely I would go on and on. I am kind of a chatterbox. So if you get fed up with my blah blah, just yawn or looking around, I will pick up the cue and shut the hell up immediately. :)
Body language is way more important than what you may think about. It is interesting to note that we communicate in three codes - Verbal: the actual words we use; Vocal: the sound of what we say, including volume, pitch, speed and rhythm; Visual: gestures, facial expression, eye contact and body posture. Believe it or not, according to the research, only very small faction of the spoken (maybe 10-20%) message is conveyed by verbal code. Most of our spoken message is carried by non-verbal aspects.
Maybe that is a little bit of exaggerating. However, just thinking about the phone conversation, you may often find it is much harder to understand the other party or to be understood due to the cutting off part of non-verbal code. When you talk to someone face to face, sometimes, he/she will get what you are trying to say and your attitudes even before you finish your sentence by picking up cues from your facial expression: like frown or body gesture: like shrug.
In my opinion, eye contact may be the most important aspect of body language when it comes to conversation. If I am talking to someone, he/she is kind of looking around, checking out other stuff. That would be a big turn-off for me. I would even loose my interest to continue the conversation with him/her because I don’t feel I have been paid attention to. But on the other hand, it is also a bad practice to go overboard. It will be very uneasy to be stared all the time during the conversation. That will be like a suspect being interrogated by a policeman. We need to break eye contact from time to time when necessary.
Another good conversation tip is to do backchanneling, which means as a good listener, you can always give reinforcement comments to encourage the speaker to continue the conversation. That is to say that you can nod along with ““uh-huh” and “right” even if you are actually absent-minded when your boss is talking to you. However, you got to be very careful. You will be so busted if got caught.
For me, the more back-channeling I get, the more likely I would go on and on. I am kind of a chatterbox. So if you get fed up with my blah blah, just yawn or looking around, I will pick up the cue and shut the hell up immediately. :)
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