Emotional blackmail. Who are the blackmailers? And who the victims? They are all of us.
I recommend the book ‘Emotional Blackmail-When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You,’ authored by therapist, bestselling author, Susan Forward.
Blackmail thrives on FOG—fear (F), obligation (O), and guilt (G). It operates like this: if you do not do what I ask, I will do such and such, and be in such and such a situation, and that will be your fault. Sound familiar?
The book detailed guidelines for step-by-step actions to deal with blackmail and blackmailers. Blackmailers are not enemies. They are our families, friends, colleagues, even ourselves. As such, we must deal with blackmail and blackmailers carefully but firmly to restore a healthy relationship. First and foremost, we need to understand the part we played in the dance of blackmail, confront our own fears, draw out boundary for our responsibility and loyalty, and understand there are always choices to make for both the targets and blackmailers. If we are to make changes, we need to change ourselves first. That takes courage, thoughtfulness, and patience.
One of the reasons the book is convincing and interesting to read is that Susan Forward filled the book with ample examples—the real stories of her patients—their struggles and recovery from blackmail. When I read the book, from cover to cover, those people came alive. I could see them, feel their pain, and experience the process of their slow recovery.
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