1 与药无关/No Connection with Medicine
When the sick man entered the consulting room, the doctor smiled and said: "I am glad to see that you look much better today."
"Yes, I followed the direction on your medicine bottle," replied the sick man. The doctor asked: "What were they?"
The sick man replied: "Keep the bottle tightly corked."
2 我怎么才能上天堂/How can I get into heaven
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "No!"
"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
回答还是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我继续问, “那我要怎样才能升天堂呢?”
3 总是坐在你身后/Always Sitting Behind You
Mr. Smith lived in the country, but he worked in an office in the big city, so five days a week he went to work by train every morning and came home the same way.
One morning he was reading his newspaper on the train when a man sitting behind him, who Mr. Smith had never met before, leaned forward, tapped him on the shoulder and spoke to him. The man said, "You're not leading a very interesting life, are you? You get on the same train at the same station at the same time every morning, and you always sit in the same seat and read the same newspaper."
Mr. Smith put his paper down, turned around, and said to the man angrily, "How do you know all that about me?"
"Because I'm always sitting in this seat behind you," the man answered.
By the time John pulled into the small town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning, John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. When asked about how he slept, he replied, "Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time."
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful.' With that he sat up all night watching me."
“我进去时他已经睡着了，不停地打着呼噜。” 约翰说，“我便走过去，在他脸上亲了一下，说了声‘晚安，美人儿。’ 于是他整晚再没睡，一直盯着我。”
5 心不在焉的马克·吐温/Absent-minded Mark Twain
The famous American writer Mark Twain was well-known for his absent-mindedness.
One day, when he was riding in a train, the conductor asked him for his ticket.
Mark Twain looked for the ticket in all his pockets, but he didn't find it. At last, the conductor knew the writer, so he said: "It doesn't matter. Show me your ticket on your way back. And if you don't find it, there is no trouble."
"Oh, but I must find the dammed thing, otherwise how will I know where I am going?"
6 早慧的小男孩/Precocious Boy
A little boy was wise beyond his age. One day he came home from the public library with a book. Its title was "The Care and Management of Children".
"Oh, my god," exclaimed his mother in astonishment. "What are you doing with a book like that?"
"Oh, " replied the precocious boy, "I want to see if I'm being brought up properly."