1 如何挣的钱/How He Made His Money
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The time of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. "
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
一个年轻人问一个年老的富人怎么赚的钱。
老人指着他的精纺羊毛背心说：“呃，儿子，那是1932年。大萧条的时候，我只剩下最后的一个5分钱硬币。”
“我把这硬币投资在一个苹果上，我花了整整一天的时间来抛光苹果，最后我把苹果卖了10美分。”
“第二天早上，我把这10美分投资到两个苹果，我花了整整一天的时间抛光他们，并在下午5点卖了20美分，我这样干了一个月，到月底我攒了1.37美元。”
“然后我妻子的父亲去世了，留给我们两百万美元。”
2 你不懂我老婆
At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.
The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."
The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she gives me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
在一次宴会上，演讲者，一位荣誉的客人，即将发表演讲时，他的妻子坐在另一端的桌子上，递给他一张写着“KISS”的一个小纸片。
坐在演讲人旁边的客人说：“你的妻子一定很爱你，我看到她在你演讲前给你一个‘KISS’。”
演讲者微笑着解释说：“你不懂我妻子。她给我的“KISS”代表“保持简短，笨蛋”。
3 游戏的一部分
Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course, he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
妈妈：玛丽，你为什么这么大喊大叫？像埃迪一样安静地玩耍。看，他不发出声音。
玛丽：当然，他不发声。妈妈，这是我们玩的游戏的一部分。他是爸爸回家晚了，我是你。
4 我想给它个惊喜
Lady: I'd like to buy a sweater for my dog.
Clerk: What size?
Lady: I have no idea.
Clerk: Well, why don't you bring in the dog and try one on?
Lady: Oh, I can't do that. I want it to be a surprise.
女士：我想给我的狗买一件毛衣。
店员：多大尺寸？
女士：我不知道。
店员：那你为什么不把狗带进来试试呢？
女士：哦，我不能那样做。我想这是一个惊喜。
5 超速的理由
A cop pulled a car over on the highway for speeding.
When he asked for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car behind me."
警察在高速公路上叫停了一辆因超速行驶的汽车。
当他要求驾驶执照时，司机说：“超速行驶？但是警官，我只是想在我的车和我后面的车之间保持一个安全的距离。”
6 你的几率是百分之百
Patient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances of recovery?
Doctor: Just one hundred percent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten die of the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died of it. You are the tenth!
病人：医生，请告诉我真相。我康复的机会是什么？
医生：百分之一百！统计显示，只有十分之九的人死于疾病。现在我的九个病人已经死了。你是第十个！
