周末一笑: 没问题(ZT)

来源: 南山松于 2015-10-16 18:12:07 [档案] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：次 (6857 bytes)

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1 没问题

A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop.

"How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain.

If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."

"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.

2 我妈妈不是那样子的

While doing renovations in our house, one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of me wearing makeup and a fancy gown.

I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua,”Who's that? ““That's my mom,”Joshua answered.

“Wow,”the man said, “My mother doesn't look like that.”“Yeah,”my son said, “well, neither does mine. “

3 谁都没空

I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window.

As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.

I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

4 在天堂结婚

A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died.

Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer.

Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven.

The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St.Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

5 智力缺陷

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied.

"You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.

Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

6 现代骑士精神

Sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William,watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddles just off the curb of the busy street.

Then the back door opened and a customer got in.

As William asked the destination, the would-be passenger exited through the other door, successfully avoiding the puddles.

“Thanks,” she said. “Chivalry isn't dead after all.”