1 疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!”
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!”
2 会说话的青蛙
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I’1l turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "1f you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'11 stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.” Again, the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’1l stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I’m an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
3 谁自私?
My husband and I were discussing the options available on the new car we planned to buy. The standard equipment included a driver's side air bag, but the passenger air bag was an optional purchase. I thought this was a bit odd and asked, “What would a wife say if her husband bought a car with only one air bag?"
"That's easy, "my husband responded. "She'd say, 'I'll drive.'"
4 预约
A man called his doctor's office for an appointment, “I am sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can't fit you in for at least two weeks. "
"But I could be dead by then!”
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment. "
5 称职
“What makes you think you're qualified to be a night watchman?” asked the personnel director.
"Well, for one thing,” replied the job applicant, "I'm a real light sleeper.”
6 金发美女和她的马
There once was a really dumb blonde who had two horses. Now this blonde couldn’t tell her two horses apart so she decided to ask her neighbor to help her out. She said to her neighbor, "I have two horses that I can't tell apart, can you help me?"
“Sure,” said her neighbor, "maybe you should nick one of their ears, then you could tell them apart.”
So, the blonde went home and did that. The next day the blonde went to check up on her horses but saw that she could not tell them apart for the other horse had nicked it’ s ear also. So, she went back over to her neighbor.
"My other horse has a nicked ear now too.” she said, “Do you have any other ideas how to tell them apart? They are both girls.”
"Hmmmm.” thought her neighbor, "Cut one's tail shorter than the other!”
So, the blonde went home and did that. The next day, though, both horses had the same length of tail! So, the blonde, tired of walking to her neighbor's house decided to call instead.
“I see,” said the neighbor after the blonde told her about how both of the tails were the same, "Try measuring them, maybe one is taller than the other.”
So the blonde did that, then rushed back into her house, phoned her neighbor and said to her" You were right!! The black horse is taller than the white one.”
