哼着他的曲 -> 唱着他的歌 -- I hesitated between the two choices. I picked up "哼着他的曲" to add change of the rhythm but "唱着他的歌" is more consistent with the rest of the poem and also sounds excessive repetition. The latter may be a better choice thinking about the overall effect.
那女孩子正在缝补洗浆 -> 在缝补洗浆的女孩 --I use the way to rhyme.
Thank you again.
那女孩子正在缝补洗浆 -> 在缝补洗浆的女孩 --I use the way to rhyme.
Thank you again.