【翻译写作】练习之一原文+总结,请大家踊跃扔砖

来源: 非文学青年 2011-05-23 10:17:05 [] [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读: 次 (11119 bytes)
本文内容已被 [ 非文学青年 ] 在 2011-05-24 06:36:54 编辑过。如有问题,请报告版主或论坛管理删除.

本打算今晚上弄呢,这会儿没事,就贴出来吧。

美风提供的这篇是新概念第二册第62课:After the fire。想读或背诵的童鞋可以找一下原读。

消防队员们同那场森林大火搏斗了将近3个星期才最后把火势控制住。就在不久之前,参天大树还覆盖着方圆数英里的土地。而现在,发热的地面上仍然升腾着烟雾,弥漫在荒凉的山丘上。冬季即将来临,这些山丘对周围的村庄具有毁灭性的威胁,因为大雨不仅会冲走土壤,而且还会引起严重的水灾。在大火最后 被扑灭后,森林管理当局订购了好几吨一种生长迅速的特殊类型的草籽。飞机把这种草籽大量地撒播在地上。飞机撒播近一个月后,开始下起雨来。然而到那时,很 多地方的草已经生了根。一片片的绿草开始出现在这片烧焦的土地上,代替了多少世纪以来一直生长在那里的参天大树

Firemen had been fighting the forest for nearly three weeks before they could get it under control. A short time before, great trees had covered the countryside for miles around. Now smoke still rose up from the warm ground over the desolate hills. Winter was coming on and the hills threatened the surrounding villages with destruction, for heavy rain would not only wash away the soil but would cause serious floods as well. When the fire had at last been put out the forest authorities ordered several tons of a special type of grass-seed which would grow quickly. The seed was sprayed over the ground in huge quantities by aeroplanes. The planes had been planting seed for nearly a month when it began to rain. By then, however, in many places the grass had already taken root. In place of the great trees which had been growing there for centuries patches of green had begun to appear in the blackened soil.

学委总结陈词(咔咔):The main thing I learned from this practice is 时态问题, esp. past perfect tense (I have marked the five places where past perfect tense is used). English is very specific about the order in which things happened while in Chinese the order is not so conspicuous.  There is“现在” in the Chinese, which might misled you to think you should use present tense.  但是要注意到现在之后讲述的那些都是过去的事了,所以这个现在不是“the present”,而是过去的一个时间点。这个事态的问题,我就没在你们的译文上标了。标的红字的是我觉得用法有问题的,绿的是我觉得要insert或者替代你的红的翻译的,黄色highlight的是我觉得有待商榷的。

学英语3151

It took firefighters almost three weeks to eventually contain the forest fire. Not long ago miles of land were still covered by tall trees but now the smoke from the fire are steaming out of the hot ground and diffusing into the hills. As the winter approaches, the hills could be a deadly threat to the surrounding villages since the heavy rains could not only wash away the soil but also cause heavy flood. After the fire was finally out, tons of special fast-grow grass seeds were ordered by forest management and spread onto the land using airplane. By the time the rain comes one month after, the seeds have rooted and patches of green grass have grown on the charred land where (there) used to be tall trees for centuries.

非文学青年:

The firefighters finally put the forest fire under control after fighting with it for nearly three weeks. Not long ago, the land that stretched for miles was covered with giant sky-reaching trees. But now, smoke rose from the heated ground and spread over the disserted hills. With the winter coming, these hills posed a damaging threat to the surrounding villages as the rain would not only wash away the dirt, but also cause heavy flooding. After the fire was put to an end, the forest management(?) bureau ordered tons of seeds of a special type of fast-growing grass. The plane dumped(planted?) the seeds in large amounts on the ground. Approximately one month later, the rain came while the grass had rooted in many spots. Patches and patches of green grass started appearing on the burnt ground, replacing the giant trees that had been there for centuries.

金迷:

After three weeks, firefighters could finally have this blast(?) forest fire in control. Not long ago, this land was still covered by old tall trees miles around, but now smoke coming from hot (the, maybe?) land surface, stretches across the lifeless hill. Winter is coming, hills deadly(I am not very sure whether it can be used this way,  a better choice seems to be: poses a deadly threat)  threatens to villages, because heaven rain will not only flush soil away, but will also cause mud flood. Just after fire was put off(out), Forest Management Bureau ordered tons of fast grow grass seed. These seeds were spread to this land by air planes. It will start rain(raining) in one month, by then, grass will be rooted in many places, and eventually, grasses will emerge on this tarred land as replacement of these old trees that had been there for centuries.

Cloudhk

After fighting with forest fire for about three weeks, firemen had kept it in control. Just a couple of days before, there had been covered by old trees around tens of miles. While fogs have still risen from the land, penetrating  around hills here and there. The winter is coming, so those hills will bring deconstructive influence to nearby villages. Since terrible rain will flow the uncovered soil and brings about flood. After the fire had been controlled, the forest administration agency booked a kind of grass seeds living quickly. Planes spread these seeds largely on the land(如果用largely,这里的indication是大部分撒在地上,有一部分撒在水里/空中). Around one month later, it began to rain. Till then, most of grass had been rooted over there. Pieces of grass appear in this burned land, replacing those huge trees standing there for several centuries.

美风:

It took the firefighters almost three weeks to control the forest fire finally. Just a short time ago, the tall trees had covered lands of several miles, but now, the smogs that rising from the warmed land were covering the barren hills. The winter was coming, the hills was going to have be life-threatening to the villages nearby. Since the heavy rain not only would wash out the soils, but also would cause severe flooding. After the fire was put out, the forest admistrative bureaucracy ordered several tons of special seeds that grow very fast. A large amounts of seeds were spread to the lands by airplane. After nearly a month, it bagan raining. At that time, the seeds were going to germinate in many places. Green grass would begin appearing on the burned lands here and there. They were going to substitute the tall tress that had been growing here for several centuries

所有跟帖: 

这回儿行了吗?我发现不能乱编辑,一编辑就出问题。 -非文学青年- 给 非文学青年 发送悄悄话 非文学青年 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:18:19

谢谢文青教师! 水平太高了!回复:【翻译写作】练习之一原文+总结,请大家踊跃扔砖 -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 (284 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:39:16

找抽啊,又喊老师又拍马屁的! -非文学青年- 给 非文学青年 发送悄悄话 非文学青年 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:45:26

555. 那是俺的心里话啊。 回复:找抽啊,又喊老师又拍马屁的! -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:52:00

原读链接在这。 回复:【翻译写作】练习之一原文+总结,请大家踊跃扔砖 -beautifulwind- 给 beautifulwind 发送悄悄话 (122 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 10:54:53

Thank you for the great effort, 学委! -学英语3151- 给 学英语3151 发送悄悄话 (229 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 11:25:04

辛苦了,非文同志! -金迷- 给 金迷 发送悄悄话 金迷 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 12:24:50

谢谢点评,学习了。 -纾珈- 给 纾珈 发送悄悄话 纾珈 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 18:50:05

谢谢文青老师! -cloudhk- 给 cloudhk 发送悄悄话 cloudhk 的博客首页 (0 bytes) () 05/24/2011 postreply 04:53:50

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