Here is my take on the questions~~

May not be correct, just for your reference. :)

- if you give a man a fish, he will be totally weeded out.
There is a saying: if you give a man a fish, you will feed him for a day; if you teach him to fish, you will feed him for life.
So if you just give a man a fish, you may potentially starve him eventually. :)

- When a lord comes back, he would be driving a car with a bumper sticker that says: "What would I do?" and he should have his papers ready, because his name is Jesus (with strange pronunciation, he sues?).

When a lord comes back, there would be a long working list waiting for him:
He would execute sinners when He comes back.
he would resurrect the dead saints who believed in Him
He would repay each man according to his work.
He would bless those who do his commandments.....
so he would be probably wondering "what would I do", so much stuff on my plate.....

God was not born in USA. He was born in Bethlehem, in a stable. So he is just like an immigrant as us. So he has to get his paper ready. I guess that strange pronunciation is how Jesus is called in Bethlehem.~