1. Structure-wise, it's Okay. You start with giving a description about the problem. Then you present your opinions, and conclude it by reinforcing the argument. However, the first sentence in the second paragraph seems to be redundant.
2. Pay attention to the expressions. For example, when you list a bunch of reasons, you go by First(ly), secondLY,... last but not THE least. Another example is that time is ON *****'s time, not in *****'s side.Moreover, digital divide is more foraml and more frequently used term than digital gap.
3. The grammar of a sentence should be refined further. Starting a sentence with "And" should be avoid in formal writing.That's even regarded as a bad habit in spoken Engligh. Strictly speaking, the sentence "And therefore lift up their capacity of earning more money." doesn't have a subject, and will be regarded as an dangling expression.
4. Logically, the rich take advantage of the technical resource, but they don't take away the resource from the poor. Thus,it may not be appropriate to claim that "(the rich) make more money AT THE EXPENSE of the poor".
5. Usually, it is better to present the argument first, and then strengthen it with fact. I rewrote one of your resons as follows:
Last but not the least, many experts agree that the widespread use of new technology makes the income gap wider between the poor and the rich.Such argument is confirmed by statistics. For example, the American economic statistics show that, from 1990 to 2005, the income gap between the rich and the poor in the USA became larger than ever in the history.
人之患在于好为人师啊。现丑了。惭愧。
2. Pay attention to the expressions. For example, when you list a bunch of reasons, you go by First(ly), secondLY,... last but not THE least. Another example is that time is ON *****'s time, not in *****'s side.Moreover, digital divide is more foraml and more frequently used term than digital gap.
3. The grammar of a sentence should be refined further. Starting a sentence with "And" should be avoid in formal writing.That's even regarded as a bad habit in spoken Engligh. Strictly speaking, the sentence "And therefore lift up their capacity of earning more money." doesn't have a subject, and will be regarded as an dangling expression.
4. Logically, the rich take advantage of the technical resource, but they don't take away the resource from the poor. Thus,it may not be appropriate to claim that "(the rich) make more money AT THE EXPENSE of the poor".
5. Usually, it is better to present the argument first, and then strengthen it with fact. I rewrote one of your resons as follows:
Last but not the least, many experts agree that the widespread use of new technology makes the income gap wider between the poor and the rich.Such argument is confirmed by statistics. For example, the American economic statistics show that, from 1990 to 2005, the income gap between the rich and the poor in the USA became larger than ever in the history.
人之患在于好为人师啊。现丑了。惭愧。
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