Do not let the bully scare you

Do what you love to do, and do not let the bully scare you!

I remember my very 1st job, I worked with some nurses and clerks in a non-clinical department, what we do most is administrative issues. I am a foreign MD but no license in the state, so to them, my foreign MD does not mean anything to them. "You are not a nurse, you are not clinical, you can not do this!", I thought this job just need a medical background, not a license since no direct patient care. A nursing background can do a better job than a MD background? I just moved to CA, not too much familiar with the shopping in the local area, when you ask them, you got these kind of response, "you do not know?" "You are over 30 years old, you do not know how to do this?". All of these feels like insults to me. But when you are young, especially fresh out of school or academia, never dealt with these kind of people before, it is very tough. I did not handle it very well, I was under lots of stress, and I cried a lot. The real world is so much different from the academic environment, people are very straight forward, they do not care about your feeling. Their ways of living, at least what I observed, is to get by each day, get paid and then go home. Eventually I found a new job and left the company, but it took me very long to heal from the trauma I got from over there. I guess this is growing pain. If it is today, I can handle it in a much better way.

My 2nd job, the people I work with are a little better, no open gossiping, or talk about you in the open space and let you hear it on purpose, but you can feel the scare they had in you, they do not want you to learn new things, they bully you with the same thing,  "You are not a nurse, you are not clinical, you can not do this!". Even you are helping them in a way that will benefit them, they will say, "No, I do not think so." Haha, they do not want me to be in charge and because I am not the boss. One time, I had one person asked me openly, "do you want to be our boss? I do not think so, you are not qualified." I told her in front her face, "No, I do not want to be your boss. This is just a suggestion, it is up to you to take it or not." I think by that time, I am already mature enough to talk like that.

But after everybody knew about I matched into residency, people's attitude changed. "Oh, I do not know you are a doctor!" "I never had a doctor as my friend." "Do not forget us!" "Oh, you are a real doctor!" (I was told in front of my face one time that I am not a real doctor before, can you imagine how does that feel). I just laughed, I did not get offended, just laughed. Did you see how these people react and change their attitude? Is it ironic?

The secretary one time sent an email to my manager stating I am always over-reactive. The manager I guess did not pay too much attention, forwarded me the email in the reply to ask me to do something. I confronted the secretary in public and asked her why she thinks like that and what did I do, she said the way I got up from my chair. I told her I do not appreciate that kind of comments and everybody in the office heard that. She is very nervous after that, but you know what, she will never do it again. Of course, I did not hold that against her either, we still talking, but you can feel the difference. You know what if you are nice to people, sometime they think you are weak and they can stump on you easily. You have to show them, no, there is boundary in the work place. 

A young nurse was my patient in clinic, she is a nurse informaticist. She told me she quit her job because the management did not provide right tools for her to work and did not send her for training or advance her career. I told her, "do not let that discourage you, that is just a small thing in your life. Do what you love to do!" I think I hit the right spot, she became very cheerful after I told her that. I wish I had someone guided me in my tough times.

LOL, do I sound like an old timer? But life will teach you something when you grow older. When people throw things at me now, I either just laugh at it or ignore it. Remember, follow your heart, do what you love to do and do not let the bully scare you!

A couple of things I need to add for this posting.
1. This happened in a non-clinical, administrative office setting. The jobs I had most worked with administrative and business people, I do not treat patient.
2. The point I am delivering here is when anybody is complaining about you, it does not mean you did something wrong, it is just that person's feeling or opinion at that moment. But once goes to manager, that is an official complaint. You have to stand up for yourself. After I confronted that secretary in public, several people in the office came to me said I did the right thing and they are very glad I confronted her in public, because she has been bad-mouthing people around in the office and nobody has said anything to her.
3. Academic's thinking and business person's thinking are two different thinking. A physician/scientist was trained to be humble and down to earth, a business person is trained to be aggressive to climb up and win people over.
4. An universal rule: you can never please everyone in this world.
5. This is my personal opinion and experience, may not apply to everyone. And you are allowed to have your own opinion.

所有跟帖： 

• Thank you for sharing! -橘子口味- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/11/2014 postreply 11:55:44

• 顶正能量! -missC- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 09:00:32

• Did someone compliant about the way you standing up from your ch -小谋- ♀ (73 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 11:16:52

• 回复：Did someone compliant about the way you standing up from your -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (86 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 19:30:42

• I feel you and understand what you went through. Medical world h -爱歌我去- ♀ (582 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 14:22:23

• Exactly, like what you said, it's so true! -CC67- ♀ (2 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 14:32:57

• I think you are over-reactive. The nurse is right,you are not al -Xingfujiaren- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 15:18:18

• 回复：I think you are over-reactive. The nurse is right,you are not -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (261 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 19:35:20

• Thanks for share your story -CC67- ♀ (284 bytes) () 05/11/2014 postreply 22:17:48

• 回复：Thanks for share your story -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (155 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 19:29:20

• I really don't think that manager dealt with such issue correctl -爱歌我去- ♀ (461 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 21:27:04

• 回复：I really don't think that manager dealt with such issue corre -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (233 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 23:02:09

• 回复：I really don't think that manager dealt with such issue corre -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (743 bytes) () 05/12/2014 postreply 23:15:12

• Ok, 稍安勿躁。you're overreacting again, hehe. I might miss read your -爱歌我去- ♀ (60 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 00:45:27

• I know better for myself and learned it in a tough way. I wish y -爱歌我去- ♀ (51 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 00:50:19

• 回复：I know better for myself and learned it in a tough way. I wis -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (167 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 06:09:21

• Overreacting, ture or false? -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (1043 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 06:35:13

• Your mistake is that you let others have chance to step on you. -Xingfujiaren- ♀ (27 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 08:00:04

• I am not offended at all -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (113 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 06:39:55

• Surpise, on the front page -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (141 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 11:44:17

• 回复：Do not let the bully scare you -aywl- ♀ (69 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 21:42:12

• Thanks for sharing! I am a teacher and completely understand you -2006年- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/13/2014 postreply 21:49:59

• 谢谢分享。感觉跟层次越低的人打交道越容易发生这种事 -forget1- ♀ (18 bytes) () 05/14/2014 postreply 03:41:53

• 你现在快乐吗？有没有发现你的所有的feeling都建立在别人对你的态度上？这个是致命伤。 -弯脚杆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/14/2014 postreply 06:59:59

• 你不要拿自闭当力量，这是自欺欺人。别人对你的态度是思想敏锐的人应该时时较劲的主题。 -Rotlyc- ♂ (0 bytes) () 05/14/2014 postreply 07:04:41

• 内心强大不是自闭。不是说不该反击，但如果处处都有同样的问题，就该从自己身上找原因了。 -弯脚杆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 05/14/2014 postreply 07:18:24

• 谢谢分享！我希望当年我刚入职场时有人跟我交流这样的体会。 -gunkai!- ♀ (179 bytes) () 05/14/2014 postreply 07:13:32

• I am happy -PurpleRoseCA- ♀ (478 bytes) () 05/14/2014 postreply 09:06:31