Try to borrow money to pay off the 2nd loan; then refinance the

Your property worths ~250K, your 1st loan > 200K.
Most refinancing will require 20% down. So basically you have to come up with money to get rid of the 2nd loan (36K) to be able to re-finance with good rate deal.

How to come with 36K? Looks like you'll have to borrow.
Borrowing from credit cards (if you have 0% cash advance offer or balance transfer offer) is not impossible, but most such deal will ask you to pay 3%-4% fee upfront. Then after 0% rate for 9-12 months, your interest rate can go up to 18%++! Seems risky for your situation. You can try switching to another 0% offering by then but it is not always available.

Borrowing from family/friends has downside too.
You may want to consider a mixed approach to minimize the risk though.

The best of course is for you guys to earn more at work, which will settle everything else.

Basically by getting rid of the 2nd loan, you should be able to refinance the 1st loan to probably 1% lower in interest, which will save you roughly 2K a year (in addition to getting rid of the 9% rate 2nd loan)