梦
画廊里
一把躺着的小提琴旁
我在等你
而你的影子很长
你的脸庞落在了琴弦上
你的脚却顶着半掩的门
耳边一个男人在反复地问
你在哪里
我回答
她在等你
Dream
In a gallery，
next to a violin lying on the floor，
I'm waiting for you.
Your shadow’s long,
your face casts on the strings,
but your foot levers the door ajar.
A man repeatedly asks by my ears，
where you are?
I answer-
She’s waiting for you.
Like (4)
xxx - Visual, Arithmetic. Reminds me of Tom Wait's song ''Alice''. The final interjection, after the painted remembrance, and longing, calls for spirits to linger in hopes of requited affection, and a mutual sharing of their plight. I like it very much. If I had to give any advice...Perhaps I'd only invite you to continue on further this path of exquisite balance between setting and action. Dialogue is a very interesting tool in poetry. I implore you to explore it, and listen to the inner voices of inspiration. Muse or poet.
xxx - I love the symbolism you build up in this poem to convey a sense of dream.
xxx - I like your poem. The flow moves at a good pace. Good imagery, I can see the shadows and faces.
Keep on writing.
xxx - Dream! Dream!! Dream!!!
I thoroughly enjoyed your depth. Thank you!a year ago
